#I think it gets this way in the winter cuz of the temperature change and it gets drier and stuff but idk for sure…

[sp00kypumpkaboo]

Idk if I’m slowing getting contact dermatitis on my eyes/eyelids again or if I have like some kinda eczema on my eyes that flares up in the winters now 😥 I’ve been doing a bunch of research cuz I really hope it’s not contact dermatitis like I had a year or so ago and idk what would happen or how much money I’d have to pay to like urgent care or ER if this gets worse. I’ve been avoiding applying anything on my eyes/eyelids, only putting on Vaseline. Gonna try to do warm/cold compresses, (carefully) massage eyelids with castor oil, buy 1% hydrocortisone and lightly/carefully apply, and keep applying Vaseline… god, fuck me 😓

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1995 Well, the kids hit the front yard late today, but that was cool cuz I knew they wouldn’t be out for hours cuz they came out at 5:30. They were only out a half hour to 45 minutes. Not surprisingly, it was after Tom came home and we were sitting in the living room together. God, are You sure you aren’t trying to tell us something?

We had pretty good sex earlier. Naturally, he didn’t cum. He conked out as I was getting really close, so he finished me off orally.

No call from Goldie and Al, so I guess they got hung up and will try tonight.

I can’t sleep just yet so I’m gonna go either read or do word puzzles.

I feel as if I’m forgetting to mention something of importance. Can’t think of it now, though, so I’ll be back later.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 1995 Well, it’s now 19º in Springfield! I called and told Andy who was cracking up with me.

I got two letters from Bob today and I began letters to him, Kim, and my parents. Bob says there’s snow there. Tammy says it’s cold, but there’s no snow. She also said something about Bill’s car getting rammed while she was in the doctor’s office. She said she presented her evidence in court, swears it’s not his fault, but the judge threw it out. Her insurance company denied the claim.

Tonight, Goldie will be calling. In about an hour.

I exercised yesterday, so I’ll be typing and maybe watching TV.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 1995 All is still pretty quiet, but it’s that time when they’ll be on their way out till sundown. I have the music on now.

A few minutes ago I finished working out.

The pool temperature is on its way up to 70º.

Andy mentioned possibly needing to borrow $200 from us for his teeth. Now’s lousy timing to ask us, cuz we won’t have any extra money until a week or two from now. He also mentioned possibly needing a co-signer for his dental plan. They won’t let an out-of-state person sign, but at least his mom did say she’ll pay for anything he needs that he can’t take care of on his own. I left Tom a message and asked him to let me know what he thought. He said I was right, there’s no extra money right now, but we’d lend it to him if we could. Also, he didn’t mind co-signing, but his credit may not allow him to.

Andy and I talked today. He said he understood perfectly well and was able to get overtime as well as accumulate enough money from some change he rolled.

Later…

Now I’ve got some shocking news about Tammy and some unfortunate news about Goldie and Al. Goldie called saying Al and his sister had so much to deal with in the way of lawyers and banks that they wouldn’t be able to see us this time around. She’s gonna call tomorrow evening at 6:00 to say goodbye to both of us, as they’re leaving for Massachusetts on the 1st. In the meantime, we updated each other on our lives and she said she was thrilled for me to have a guy like Tom and she adored us both.

I also got the story straight. I had thought it sounded like she said they had their car flown from Vegas to Sun City. Well, what they really did was have their car shipped on a truck.

She said Ma said something about coming out here this summer. That’s news to me. I thought Dad said the end of this year or the beginning of next. They always mention all kinds of dates, but who really knows when they’ll be coming?

Ma’s looking for a place for them in Florida for next winter. They don’t know when and if they’ll be returning to Vegas. Maybe in a couple of years. They want to be near their sons and their families who are in Boston.

As far as Tammy’s concerned, Bill’s going into the hospital next Saturday for two months.

Guess who came to visit her? Larry and the kids. Sandy didn’t go, though. I’m really amazed. I really didn’t think he’d ever get there. She agrees with me that Larry’s always been a good worker and good with the kids, but there were hardly any words spoken between the two unless she asked him a question. She mainly talked to little Larry. Lisa and Jenny were inseparable and they’re calling each other tonight. Becky and Larry were playing and teasing each other.

Later…

I just tried to call Larry, but there was no answer. I called Dad instead. They’re doing OK. Mom was out playing bingo.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 1995 Already I’ve done quite a bit today. I did laundry and I’m doing more now. I made our beds, did some typing, and made Tom an ice cream parfait with vanilla ice cream and whip cream. I also made mashed potatoes and later I’m gonna make us pork chops and tater tots. Tom’s making chocolate chip cookies now with a recipe he got from his mom.

I wish I had more to say, but I just don’t right now. Only that today’s a great day. Been productive and in a good mood.

Goldie and Al will be calling anytime now, I guess.

This has been a very peaceful and quiet Saturday. That’s fine with me, though. They’re out front, no doubt, but I’ve got the music on anyway.

Well, I believe I’ll go do some typing on 59 now.

Later…

Today’s been a great and productive day, but Tom’s gone to bed. He has to get up early. I’m giving my feet and back a break right now.

Our disrespectful neighbors who may as well own this block have company. They don’t ever go anywhere, so someone’s come to them. I heard them out back barbecuing and I thought I heard a ball game start up, but it stopped, thankfully. All’s usually peaceful till late afternoon, but I’ll have to deal with them till June, unfortunately.

They’ve been there long enough for me to observe something else. That guy over there works 6 days a week from 6 - 7 AM till 7 - 9 PM. Guess that’s the price you pay when you have so many kids to support.

All the other houses are so quiet with older people, so why God? What are You really trying to tell me? Is it just like with the “men” signs? Are you trying to say You want me to get pregnant, but have no control over when I do, if I can? Or is it that You want to taunt me with what I can’t have? Well, believe me, I’ll take one of my own over a million of someone else’s any day. True, I may be sorry I ever had a kid if I did and wish I could have this life back, but oh well. I still believe that You God, are the planner. I believe I can keep myself from getting pregnant, but I can’t make myself pregnant. That is up to You.

If and when Tom starts cumming, and after several months of that, then my questions will be answered, won’t they? As far as what is or isn’t meant to be, I mean.

Come on Goldie and Al! Call me. I’m anxious to know when we’re getting together. I hope we leave shortly after Tom’s home so we can bail out of the bulk of tomorrow’s street party. At this time of year, they’re mostly out front from late afternoon till sundown, but I have a feeling they’re on their way out back. That’ll make tanning, smoking, and hanging out there a real pleasure. Yes, I’ve thought of talking to them, but what good will that do? They can’t keep them inside 24/7 and I’m sure they really don’t give a shit. People with kids think they own the world. They think that their rights come first and that their rights are all that matter.

Later…

Yeah! All’s quiet and peaceful now and the company just left. That wasn’t too too bad. Only 3-4 hours of their shit. It sure beats the 24/7 activity of the NHA. The most important thing of all is the fact that I can sleep and that our houses aren’t attached to one another. Now I can be myself, though, and not feel controlled. Just cuz I love music doesn’t mean I always want to hear it just to drown noisy neighbors out. To me, music is for listening or singing to, not for drowning out other people’s noise or sleeping. Thank God I haven’t had to sleep with it in over a year or have heavy metal concerts forced on me. I still hope that someday real soon they get sick of being cramped in a 3-bedroom house, find a way to make more money, and split. Then we need a nice old couple or person to move in who hates company.

Nah - if they move, God will have someone or something else get on my nerves.

Later…

I have a slight headache now from wearing my hair high up on my head in a braid all day. I took an Ibuprofen which will be taking care of it soon.

I just left Andy a message. I hope his teeth aren’t killing him.

I typed a letter to Larry today and worked on 59 a little.

Can you believe that it’s barely after 8:00 at night and I’m already beat? Can you also believe how much more of a day person I’ve been? Lastly, can you believe how much less my schedule flips around and how much quicker it flips around when it does? Maybe God really is helping to prepare me for something. All I can see right now is the business and the singing being prepared for, but who the hell knows? If I fall asleep soon, though, it’ll be hard to stay up late tomorrow to see Goldie and Al if we are seeing them tomorrow. Whenever we do, though, we probably won’t get home till after 10 PM.

Tom and I exchanged interesting opinions. He feels that things aren’t going to stay the same. Things will be changing that are more than little things. I, on the other hand, believe things will slow down and fall into the same pattern for a while cuz I just had so many changes in the last couple of years. We’ll see who’s right. If the changes are good ones that I can handle, then I hope he wins this one. I don’t mind being proven wrong if it’s for the better.

I just listened to music, so what shall I do now? Should I type more story drafts? Type more of 59? Watch TV? Edit? I’ll think about it as I come to an end in this journal and go begin my next one. I think I’ll do some word search puzzles after I get my next journal started. Yeah, why not?

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 1995 Right now I am in a foul mood. I’m stressed out, I’m worried and I’m confused. Not only have I got the stress of surgery over my head, but the date of my surgery is when I’m due for my period. It’s still hard to keep that neutral attitude. I still have scary visions of myself at age 40-50 saying, “I knew I couldn’t get pregnant, so why didn’t I have that operation to get my insides removed?”

I feel I’ve done a lousy job taking care of Tom who’s sick with a cold.

I’m stressing out over next door. I know that for 3-6 hours they’re gonna be raising hell.

I also feel like a lot of the time Tom gives off mixed emotions about having a kid, too. When we were discussing my period being due on surgery day, I realized he was talking about it as if he knew. He knew I’d be getting my period. He knew he wouldn’t be cumming. If he doesn’t by June, then I’ve got to do something. I can’t keep saying I’ll give it a few months, then a few more, then a few more. Why don’t I set a tentative plan for myself? If nothing’s changed by this time next year I’ll at least go get info and set up a consultation for a hysterectomy.

Later…

Well, my foul mood is all gone and I feel a lot better. I’m back to taking things one step at a time.

I did the dishes and worked out a little. Last night I did every single exercise on one of my tapes, amazingly enough. Already I feel the firmer, slimmer difference. The question is, will it last? Even if I keep up with it?

It’s very windy out and it looks like a storm could be rolling in. I have mixed emotions about storms. They’re kind of neat out here and they keep the kids away, but they don’t help my asthma and allergies.

We got our state tax return today of $117.

No letters today for me. I sent Bob 3 self-addressed stamped envelopes. He better use them.

Speaking of address labels, though, I just used the very last cactus label. I’m not using any others now, so I’m back to highlighting entry dates. In the next book, I may use one of the ones with both our names on it. We’ll see.

I just asked Tom if he’d mind my using the splash labels as entry dates since we’ve got a million other labels. He said to go ahead. There are 90 of them. Anyway, I’m off to do some computer work.

Later…

The house smells really good now. I just aired the place out and it’s that time of year where you can smell the orange blossoms even though they don’t smell like oranges.

Tom just went to bed. He still feels pretty yucky, but he’ll hopefully be better tomorrow. He said I did an excellent job taking care of him. Well, I made him his lunch and dinner, but I’ve really never cared for a sick person before, so I hope to do an even better job tomorrow.

Andy’s having problems with his teeth and I hope he’s feeling better. He mentioned moving in with this girl Cindy who has a house, to share their expenses. This house is all paid for. I’ve spoken to her once and she seems nice. I hope they continue to get along and that it works out, even though there are no definite plans yet.

Tom even felt well enough at one point to go to the library and the hardware store. I went, too. I never could get into the last two library books I returned today, but I got one, unexpectedly, and I really like it.

At the hardware store, he got stuff to work on the cigarette machine with, electrical tape, and stuff to shock the pool with.

I didn’t hear any kids out today cuz I had the music on. It was a nice day, though, so I’m sure they were out.

Later…

I just heard something fall and went to check it out, but all seems to be in place. It must’ve come from Tom’s room. He went into his room for the night at 7:00.

I asked Andy if he still believes in praying. He said yes cuz he asked God for temporary relief till he got more money to take care of it. He said he also wouldn’t give up on God just cuz he couldn’t always get his way. Will I ever pray again? I don’t know. I still believe that things are either meant to be or not meant to be, whether or not you pray. I also feel that I’m still making an impossible request (the baby).

I guess Goldie and Al will be calling tomorrow at some point. I told Tom that if he’s still sick on the 26th or 27th we’ll cancel. He says he’ll be fine and there’ll be no problem going.

Later…

Glad I just did a #2. I was worried I was in for another few days of constipation. That usually happens to me a couple of times a month.

Next Friday I’ll be picking up a journal for book 4 of my story, cuz I don’t want to use any of these dazzling books for it. The one I’m using now (#89) is going faster than I had anticipated. Even though it’s got the most number of pages than any others (something like 192), it’s the smallest. Even smaller than 41. I’m using normal-size writing, too. My writing in my paper journal is only slightly smaller cuz there are lines and they’re pretty close together. I believe this is the longest-running journal I’ve had in a while and it’s jammed-packed with no charts or anything else other than “life.”

I had gotten a very abrupt, quick feeling about either getting pregnant or finding out I was in ‘96. Do I still have this feeling? Logically speaking – no, I don’t, but we’ll see as I get closer to it. The stronger my feelings are, the more accurate they are. For a short time at the end of last year, I had a feeling I’d have a kid in November of this year. Shortly after New Year, I had a very, very strong feeling that said - oh no I won’t. Obviously, I was very right on that one.

As far as Tom ever cumming? I really don’t know what to make of it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never ever did. Also, despite how honest he’s been about everything else and despite what he’s told me about this, who knows what’s really going through his mind? He says the block isn’t about anything to do with the kid. He says it’s about the pressure of cumming. He says as he gets close (and I know he gets close) he tells himself to concentrate on cumming to make me happy and that’s why he can’t. I understand all about blocks as well as pressure, but I’d think that with him as attracted to me as he says he is to me on both the inside and out that that’d make it hard to keep from cumming. I still have a faint feeling of him cumming in either April or June, so we’ll see.

Later…

In the library, there was a book on Linda Ronstadt. I doubt I would have liked the pictures in it when I was younger. They were pretty lousy. The younger ones of her were with her hair short, or they were very dark. They were in black and white and the clothes she wore were gross. There were also a few of her older and fat.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1995 I am at the doctor’s office now and not too thrilled about it. I’ll write more later after I get this shit over with.

Later…

Andy probably has no faith in God right now. His teeth are in massive pain right now, so he’s on his way to the dentist. Earlier he had left a message wishing me luck today. He said when he gets back he’ll let me know all about it and wants to know about my ear which is good news. Dr. Joganic’s gonna hack it off! I’m beat now, so I’ll get into it later.

Later…

The kids just hit the front for the next 2-3 hours, so I turned on the tunes to write.

Jackie, the one who schedules surgery just called. I still have to see Dr. Nielsen on 3/2, but it’s no longer a pre-op appointment. It’s just a regular one. My pre-op has been upped to 3/20 at noon. Then on 3/21, I’ll have surgery at 10:30, but I’ll have to be there at 9 AM. The operation should take two hours and both doctors will be operating on me. On 4/4 at 1:30 I’ll be at my follow-up appointment.

Later…

I just ran outside for half a smoke. It’s quiet back there. The backyards are all 3/4 shaded now, so that’s why the kids have run out to the front till it gets hot in or out of the shade. I wish the sun set at the back of the houses on this side, though, cuz it’d keep the pool warmer for longer.

I’m gonna go write up the grocery list for tomorrow.

Tom’s been in his room sick with a cold, so I’m gonna leave him a note with all my surgery dates on it. I mean, surgery and appointment dates.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 1995 Due to the storm, I woke up pretty wheezy. Luckily, I got it under control pretty fast and was nowhere near the ER.

I began the third book of my story.

Dr. Joganic’s office called to verify tomorrow’s appointment. Tom and I have to finish the paperwork they sent us.

Things are just beginning to dry up outside.

Next door has their doors or windows open as always and I could hear a few sentences occasionally. I think I heard a parrot squawking over there, too. Also, I know their dog’s name is Muffins cuz I heard one of the kids calling him about a week ago.

These people definitely have money in order to pay for and support 5 kids and 2 animals. Not enough money, though, to live in a house where they’re not so tightly cramped and packed in. I don’t know how the hell 7 people fit into a 3-bedroom house, and I just know she’s pregnant now with number 6.

I finished typing Journal 58 and am working on 59 now.

I left Kim a message too, since I haven’t talked to her in a long time.

Last night I really got to thinking about Paula B. Does she ever think of me? Did she ever wonder about trying anything with me? How’s her life now? I hope she’s doing well and is happy. The same goes for Jessie and Cassandra. I wonder why I’ve never heard from Cassandra. Did she lose my number? Or did she decide she didn’t want to have a friend so far away? Did she ever decide she couldn’t deal with only being just my friend no matter where I lived? Should I ever try to contact any of these people? Or should I just leave them in the past?

Later…

Well, here’s what I just did. Jessie’s still living in the area and I doubt if I have her current number. I could make contact with her through her mom in Longmeadow, but she and Cassandra are closed, but great memories of my life.

There’s no Paula B listed and I’m not at all surprised. She probably can’t afford a phone or has a huge bill and there are no B’s in Longmeadow where I think she might’ve lived at one point. I know she had a brother Paul and a sister Brandy, but there were none listed. The operator gave me the number of an Ed B. The wife answered saying there was no relation to Paula, so I don’t know what else to do. I’m not gonna ask the operator for every B listed and she said there were several.

She moved to West Springfield after I moved to S. Deerfield which was when I last spoke to her. Where she is now, who knows? She had a second kid when we last talked, too. Another boy. I don’t remember her ever talking about moving out of state, but she may have also had family in Enfield, CT, too.

I could be very wrong, and I hope I am, but I can’t picture Jessie or Paula’s lives being any different than they were when I last knew them.

I also wonder how Steve and Jai are? I wouldn’t be surprised if Jai left Springfield long ago and is in New York City. Jessie mentioned that Steve lived in Chicopee and was to move to California when I was in Norwich, so who knows?

I never wonder what’s going on with Kacey and Brenda. Kacey’s probably still at Monsanto, either in long-term relationships or dumping people after just a week or two. Brenda’s still probably on psych pills and crack. Probably still quiet, troubled, and hanging with losers.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 1995 I was gonna say, so much for that bulb I planted out back, but Tom said it’s not the time for it to come up yet. The front and backyard need lots of work. The weeds are back in full force.

Not a peep out of next door. Great.

Later…

Right now there’s a serious thunder/lightning and rainstorm going on.

When the doctor did the skin graft on my arm, he did it in the shape of a square. I wonder if he can do it in the shape of a heart. It’d be cooler to have a red heart for a while, rather than a red square.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1995 Aaarrrggghhh! I’m getting so big! My clothes are getting tighter. I really believe that little by little my thin days are ending whether I exercise or not. It’s ironic how Andy said I looked more solid when he was here. Well, it may be expensive, as I’ll have to be buying bigger clothes, but being chunky won’t kill me. If I was getting into the 130s, then I’d see if I could do something about it. For now, I’ll just look more like the typical wife does.

I just did a major project that was fun and well worth it. I only wish I’d done it a long time ago. Between both Linda and Gloria, I had tons of sheet music of their songs that was torn out of the books. They were all out of order and some songs have pages missing. This is cuz there were pictures on certain pages that I once had. I put them in the best order that I could, punched holes in them and put them in a big black binder. This way, we can set it up on the music stand. I’d be totally lost without that music stand. That’s what I use to type up my journals. Just think how hard it’d be for me to keep the pages open without it. I put address labels on the songs I like to sing that are in my range and style.

It’s a hot day of 86º today. I didn’t lie out for too long today so as not to receive a dose of sun poisoning. It’s very windy out today.

Later…

I just made spag and typed up letters to Kim and Bob. I wonder if I’ll ever hear from Minnie again now that she’s got a kid.

Speaking of kids, and the last two days before today, well, things weren’t too cool for a while there. I feel a hell of a lot better now, but here’s what Tom and I talked about.

While PMS alters your thinking and feelings, I admitted to him that I’ve always had a problem with conquering my fears and going for the stuff I want, figuring I probably won’t get it. Sometimes I even punish myself and I told him that I feel really bad that I punished him while punishing myself and that I was determined to stop doing that and follow my heart, dreams, and desires.

It’s hard to wipe out of my head the shit Tammy and others have said to me about all they go through as mothers. I need to do what I want, regardless of who says what, and have a mind of my own. I have to stop being afraid to succeed and afraid to go for things I want cuz of my own fears and doubt and the ones others have planted in my head. I need to be more hopeful and positive. Yes, there have been things I said I’d never get, like the kind of relationship I have with Tom with a woman and I was right. But I’ve also been wrong on things I said I’d never get that I did get.

I told Tom the “light is green” no matter what I say, no matter how much I may PMS, and no matter how much I may be feeling negative at times like we all do here and there. I want a baby and he does too. We can’t guarantee that and we can’t put a date on it, but we’re gonna go for it as soon as we can possibly get pregnant.

Every day I’m gonna work on my attitude and again, I understand this could take a while. Just like it did with losing weight. And other things. I don’t think it’ll take too long, though, cuz an attitude change is quite different than losing lots of weight.

I conquered my fear of relationships and other things, so I know I can do this. Especially with Tom’s never-ending patience, understanding, faith, and encouragement. Our talk yesterday was great cuz he remained calm and positive. Didn’t get frustrated with me or throw anything in my face that he asked to hear.

I prayed to God for the third time a couple of nights ago. I not only asked him to help me get pregnant, but to be able to deal with not having a kid if it’s gonna be a while yet or if I never can. So far it seems more than a coincidence that I’m more relaxed, peaceful, and hopeful about it, yet patient and understanding that it takes a long time for some people.

What else has got me in a fine mood? Well, yesterday I sang and played the guitar and keyboard. The keyboard, though, was quite rusty. I had to stop and hear the songs in my head that I’d forgotten. Little by little I’ll remember stuff and be like my old self. Still, I’m way more of a guitar player and even much much more of a singer. Later that day Tom and I played both instruments and harmonized together. Our voices harmonize really well together. He plays the keyboard better than the guitar and that’s good so we can balance each other out in a way we couldn’t if we both either played the guitar or the keyboard better. My fingertips are doing better. Today they feel like they have a low-grade fever, rather than like they were just placed on the stove.

What luck I had earlier. I just hit the hotkeys to save a whole page’s worth of stuff I typed when we had a one-second power failure. Gotta reset the clocks soon.

I just realized that I have yet to mention Andy’s visit. He came over at 5 AM on the 16th. He didn’t stay too long cuz he had to get home to bed, but he really liked what I gave him for his birthday. Thank God, cuz I was worried and not sure if he would or not. He was shocked at the 63-page journal I did up for him. I said I figured he’d save it, mail it to people, or give it back to me to send to Bob bit by bit. He said it was so adorable, though, that he may keep it forever.

He also liked the crayon can and was shocked at how many NPN envelopes I had for him. There were about 45-50 of them. He opened one here and dumped all of them in a mailbox on his way home. I also gave him 30 NPN cards I wrote out to Nervous for magazines, pamphlets, and all kinds of catalogs and info.

He didn’t bring me my stuff cuz he came from a friend’s house and didn’t know if he was gonna come over or not. But he looked up the name of Gloria’s daughter for me. Her name is Emily Marie. How boring!

I also gave Andy the tape with the Lindsay Wagner movie and the soap awards I taped on it too, for him. Also, the magazine with the Phase-Out ad.

We called for and received info on getting a business license for a small home business. We need about 3 different licenses that’ll cost between $75 - $100 bucks. We’ll probably use the money from the severance package he’ll be getting at the end of March.

We also got two new ribbons and a bail of pine sawdust to mix in with the cedar sawdust the other day. From now on, though, we’re ordering ribbons by mail. It’s cheaper that way.

Got a letter from Kim the other day, and Alex and I still continue to chat over Prodigy. Still no recipes from Tammy and I’m not counting on that. Still nothing from Marla, either. Andy says they’re probably having trouble installing it and using it. Probably so.

Several days ago Tom and I had awesome sex. Never have we done so many positions in one “screwing session.” We did about 4 different ones that time.

Now for the most uncool news of all. It’s that time of year when the kids next door rule the front yard. This is better than the back, as it’s easier to drown them out with the stereo than it is with the boom box out back. They’re out from noon or 2:00 to sundown and I know they will be quite often till the intense heat comes in. In March or April, they’ll run to the backyard, but in June I should hardly ever hear them. It’s mostly on weekends and sometimes late in the afternoons, but I hope they’ll go to Idaho again in June.

The reasons it pisses me off are the same. I feel controlled and that their noise is being forced on me. Their noise should be for their parent’s ears only. Not others. I shouldn’t have to hear them or anyone else in my own house. It’s just like when that band was a constant problem across the street. I felt his music was forced on me in my own home where if I want to hear music it should be mine and mine only. I’m 99% sure they can’t hear my music next door, but if they can, I don’t feel sorry for them about it at all. Also, like I said before if I have to listen to a kid scream, I want it to be my own. However, I plan to do whatever I can to not let our kid get out of control like that.

It’s just a pity these people can’t wake up and realize that these houses are very close, and what they’re allowing their kids to do is rude and disrespectful to others. If we did have a kid, I’m sure there’d still be enough noise from ours that’ll blend in with theirs, cuz I understand that kids are kids, but for now, while there’s still no kid here, why should other’s noise be forced on me in here? The bulk of the time they’re quiet. It comes and goes in cycles and I know their patterns now. I can have months of peace, but then there are a few days a week for a few months when it goes on for hours. It really irks me. Especially when I’m sitting here trying to have a conversation with Tom and every few minutes a screaming fit breaks out. It’s hard to concentrate. With that shit in the background, I mean.

Do these people ever go anywhere other than to church for a few hours on Sundays? I realize that with so many kids there’s not a whole lot of money left over to go have fun with, but why can’t they go to a nearby park for a day? That wouldn’t cost anything.

I heard another story I heard a million times on TV yesterday. A woman was saying she wanted to leave her 4 kids cuz all they did was steal her life and make her fat. Again, my head says to listen to these stories and be grateful I probably can’t have a kid. My heart says I’m gonna do what I want to do anyway.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 1995 It’s gonna hit 80º or so today and I beg God to death that it’s not a wild rowdy day out there today. I really hope I can enjoy it in peace. They’ve really been a hell of a lot quieter, though. Instead of being directly outside our windows, they’re more towards the house on the other side of their house. There are fewer screaming and no obnoxious ball games. I think I’ve figured out why they’re out front in certain parts of the year. Well, they don’t seem to come out till later in the afternoon, say from 3 PM - 6 PM. Well, the sun sets at the front of the house, so it’s usually warmer out front. Now that they’ve been quieter, I’m not at all looking forward to when they move to the back cuz then they are ear-piercingly loud for endless hours. They shouldn’t hit the back until sometime in April and I hope they go to Idaho again. The weird thing is, though, she said she hated the heat really bad. Then why did she and the kids only leave for the month of June and not July and August?

No music from across the street for ages! I love it! I think that kid did move out cuz I haven’t seen him. Plus, I’d surely know if he was there cuz every time he’d drive in and out I’d hear his car stereo loud and clear. Maybe he and his mother moved cuz I haven’t even seen her.

Today Tom’s working on the cigarette machine. I think I wrote about that, but I will anyway once it’s done.

We may also go out today to the pet store to pick up a bale of regular pine sawdust that I’ll mix in with the cedar chips.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 1995 I can’t remember if Tom’s working today or not. His job ends March 10th and he’s saving his sick days and vacation days for my appointments and surgery. Our benefits go through until June.

Andy left a message shortly after 3 PM yesterday, but by then I was conking out. He was telling me he was on his way out and would call, but I haven’t heard from him or talked to him. I left him a message a couple of hours ago. He was on the phone then talking to someone cuz the phone only rang once.

He told me earlier how he got a huge book from his sister Linda in CA on All My Children. His favorite soap.

What was his advice the other day? Well, he believes in praying to God and says it’s worked for him before. He said praying to win the lottery isn’t something you’d pray for, but he’s prayed for toothaches and stuff like that to go away. He said no, not every prayer will come true, but I should pray to God about having a kid. He said to have a conversation with Him, tell Him why you want a baby, but don’t pick the time frame cuz only He knows when the time is right.

Does He? I guess I believe He does in most cases. Especially with stuff pertaining to me and my life, but how can He allow countless teens to get pregnant and feel the time for them was right?

Anyway, I’ve done this twice so far in the way he recommended.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 1995 Back to using address labels as date separators. Well, for now anyway. We’ve got so many labels right now that this is why I’m doing this. I have this set and the jewel-toned one with just my name on it. Tom’s got two with just his name on it, then we’ve got two sets with both our names on it. Next time we order new labels, from now on I’ll order them all with both our names.

Andy’s 33 today. I talked to him last night and told him I wasn’t sure if I should feel bad cuz I made him his presents (the booklet journal and crayon can), rather than buying them. He said don’t feel bad at all. Also, he couldn’t afford to buy me anything in Dec. for my birthday, but now he can and wanted to know what I wanted. I told him about the puzzles and the dog mugs at the art store.

I told him to call me today when he got up to see about coming over. I don’t know if I’ll be too tired or not. He’s always way later than he says he’ll be, so I may very well be tired. I’ve been up since midnight last night, but I can’t believe how much faster I can move my schedule around nowadays.

Today I finished typing 50 and it would’ve been done yesterday or sooner today if it didn’t crash on me. Luckily, I didn’t have too much to retype. I omitted a few trivial and non-important things so I wouldn’t have to spend too much time typing stuff I’d already typed.

I called Dr. Nielsen’s office today and she was fixing to call me today. Dr. Driscoll’s taking care of the referral for Dr. Joganic. Dr. Nielsen and Dr. Joganic talked and they are gonna operate together. That much is good news, so hopefully, I’ll need one more operation, not two. My pre-op appointment with Dr. Nielsen is 3/2 and I called and set up an appointment with Dr. Joganic for 2/23 for the consultation. She’s sending me paperwork to fill out to bring to the appointment.

Tom called and brought up a very good point and question. How come Dr. Joganic already agreed to do the operation without seeing me first? He said he thought we’d have choices and one of them would be no surgery on the outer ear. Maybe when they talked with each other, Dr. Joganic said that doing nothing about it wouldn’t be a choice and that he has to operate and do something about it. He also asked if Dr. Joganic’s appointment was my pre-op with him and why they didn’t give me a date for surgery.

Beats me. Guess we’ll find out on the 23rd about the outer ear choices and then on the 2nd, if not the 23rd, about the date of the surgery.

Tom and I had a discussion this morning about my feelings and doubts about getting some of the things I want. He told me that the best thing for me to do would be to try my best to remain in the middle. Meaning, don’t give up but don’t plan or count on things. It’s hard for me not to be more doubtful than hopeful and he understands that.

I guess I misunderstood him when he said to wait two months and I’d be pregnant. He meant if I try not to have it be such an intense obstacle in my mind, cuz that can make it harder. Yeah, he has a point and I see and know what he means about that. I wish I had his attitude, but a bigger part of me is saying to forget it as much as I can and to move on to other things in life, whatever they’ll be.

He said the reason he mentioned that two-month thing was cuz he really does believe that. Believe that no matter after which two months I don’t pressure myself with it I’ll be pregnant? Or in two months from now meaning April? I think he meant any two months like April or May or July and August. Whatever. I’ll still try to take his advice. He said it’s OK to talk about wanting it, just don’t say stuff like it’ll never happen, cuz that may make it harder. He also understands that saying it will happen doesn’t mean that’ll make it easier, either. I guess with me it’s a woman’s intuition. I can’t help but get bad feelings about sterility. I will try to think less and worry less about it, though.

I talked to Andy about it who reminded me never to say never. Don’t think there’s something out there that’s gonna say, “You’re being selfish for wanting this, and don’t think you’re gonna be blessed yet again, cuz you’ve been blessed enough.”

Yeah, perhaps I shouldn’t for I’ve been cursed more than I’ve been blessed in my life.

Some other time I’ll get into some advice Andy gave me which I followed last night. I also have another idea that I feel kind of silly about, but I’ll discuss it later.

Before I go, here’s a note on the flip side of my doubtfulness. This may also sound silly and off the wall, but sometimes I get a feeling about finding out I’m pregnant during journal 86.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 1995 Yesterday I typed up Tom Valentine’s letter and boy did I get the sweetest surprise from him. On one piece of paper, in the center of it, is a big heart that says Happy Valentine’s Day. Around that, he typed: To the most beautiful, lovely, pretty, attractive, gorgeous, good looking, beauteous, ravishing, sexy, intelligent, bright, sharp, smart, clever, talented, gifted endowed wife in the world. I hope you will be my Valentine forever!

This was so wonderfully sweet. Especially the words, sexy, smart, talented and gifted.

Later…

I just left Andy a message who I still haven’t heard from and read him the Valentine’s letter from Tom. I also typed it into my parents and Tammy’s letters I just did.

Later…

Tom’s on his way out to work, so I thought I’d write a few lines.

I got a letter from Bob, and due to him writing his letters towards the center of the paper; I punched holes in it and put it in the binder.

Later…

I have so many thoughts and ideas going through my head right now. I know some could be right, some partially right, and some way off the wall. I’m just doing what I do best right now. Analyzing and figuring. Remember how I said that a part of me would think Tom didn’t want a kid and part of me would think he did? Well, I believe way way way more that he does. I can tell by what he’s told me and all the opinions and feelings about it that he’s expressed to me. Well, it has been my experience that things either take forever to happen, if they happen at all, or they all happen at once.

There are only two reasons why I didn’t get pregnant when we met as well as around the time of our wedding or my surgery. One is cuz under one of Murphy’s laws everything happens at once. The other is due to all the “kid” signs all around me and thrown in my face for so long just like guys were for so long. Remember how I said it was quite obvious many years ago that God wanted me with a guy and not a woman?

It’s not that I can’t go to Tom and ask him about his feelings and that he’s not honest with me, it’s just that I don’t want any mixed messages to confuse me more. We can all give off mixed messages even if the feelings are basically the same. Even I have. For example, yes, I do want a kid way more than I don’t, but right now I probably appear to not want one. Truthfully, I don’t on a day like today. What I mean by that is that there’s no way I could keep up with it today till Tom got home. I’ve been up since 9:00 last night. Tom said that if we had a kid, I wouldn’t be in a situation like that, but I don’t get that. I don’t think having a kid will make it any easier for me to always be the day person I’d need to be or get up day after day, night after night, every hour to change and feed it.

Well, I know that Tom mentioned that my being 30 and the year being 1996 appealed to him. He also said a long time ago that June was a good month to get pregnant. This morning I said that March would be a good time to have it to keep it away from the busy months of June and December and he said, “Yes” in a tone I know really well. A tone that said he very much agreed and that’s what he was planning on. When I calculated it, I realized that dropping a kid in the month of March after a normal 9-month term would mean getting pregnant in June.

I thought about it and realized we were supposed to be in business a long time ago and have so many other things done a long time ago that aren’t done yet, or we did get things done, but way later than we planned on. Not that either of us is lazy or deliberately putting stuff off, but still, that’s the usual case.

I told him this morning that I can’t deal with prospective dates anymore. To please not say stuff like, “If you just wait two months, you’ll be pregnant.”

You know how I said my “feeling” of having a kid in November went away? Well so did conceiving in April. The reason why his saying this got to me is cuz I know it’s not true and I don’t want to go get myself all psyched up for nothing. He’s said he thinks we’ll have a kid in the fall. Now it’s the beginning of 1996. He’s said he was gonna cum in the winter of ‘94, then the spring of ‘94, then the summer of ‘94, then the winter of ‘95 and he still says he will cum. I can’t deal with this shit. I know he’s not out to play head games with me, but I can’t deal with bullshit dates.

I need to keep realistic here and remind myself of the fact that I probably can’t get pregnant even if he came in there daily. And that if I can and do, it’ll no doubt drag on for years. Meaning I probably couldn’t get pregnant before 1½ years or more from now. I’m sure he’ll cum when he’s ready to make that kid, but he’s also dropped hints here and there as far as me being right about the much later timing.

One time we were discussing sleeping together. I said it’d be best to do so when we have a kid cuz then I’m gonna be woken up constantly and not sleeping much anyhow. He said he disagreed. I asked if the reason why was cuz it’s so far away and he said yes, that was partly it.

But a month or so ago he said he thought we were just casually screwing without planning dates till it was discovered that I was pregnant. I always said, “Well, Tom, that’s fine, but you’ve got to cum for that to be likely.”

I’ll discuss someone else’s opinion on that later.

This morning we made a deal. He said, “How about it if we do this, but this is only tentative. We can change our minds. Despite the surgery, we’ll take care of the dentist in April and the GYN in May. Cuz then if you aren’t pregnant, you’ll be making very serious plans to be.” Then he went on to say stuff as if I’d way more than likely not be and he knew it. He mentioned asking if all looked OK to get pregnant at this May appointment. At this point, it’s getting harder and harder to think about it in a positive, hopeful way. I’ve had my share of letdowns in my life. It’s not that I’m not used to them, aren’t prepared for them, or can’t deal with them, but I sure don’t want to. If I’m not pregnant by June, then I will definitely wonder about both of us. I just don’t want to be getting my hopes up and all psyched up for nothing. It’s just too damn tiring. I think it’d be best and easiest for me if I think and have the attitude that I’m not gonna have a kid and that if I do, it’ll be years from now.

Lastly, I’m still not 100% sure about what’s up with his not cumming. I’m 98% sure he’s waiting till we make the kid, but there’s that 2% chance that there’s something wrong and he won’t admit it out of embarrassment or whatever.

I finally decided I would call a nurse and ask some of these questions at a medical info line. She did say I should ask a GYN these questions also, and to me, her answers are her opinions that aren’t necessarily right. She’s not in Tom’s head or a guy any more than I am.

Here are the quick answers first:

No, the KY won’t prevent pregnancy but could hinder it somewhat. More so, it won’t be a problem.

She doesn’t know about DES, but has heard of it and has heard that it’s supposed to affect having babies.

Now, as I figured and was told before, my meds won’t affect getting pregnant.

A nurse I once talked to when Tom and I first met said the chances of conceiving without a guy cumming is 10% - 15%. This is also what we had thought. Tom said the reason why there are millions of sperms is cuz one isn’t likely to make it. Well, the nurse said that all it takes is one and that we’ve been beating the odds cuz guys leak (and yes, he does) and there are millions alone in there. In just the leakage from the pre-cum, I mean. This makes me more convinced I’m sterile if it’s that possible and this much easier than I thought.

She asked how I knew he didn’t cum. Cuz he always says he was “so close” and I never feel anything leaking out of me. She said maybe it depends on how soon after I get up. I asked if she noticed it leak out of her when she’s with someone. She said she didn’t know, doesn’t pay attention, but that a GYN could tell if it’s possible for a guy to cum without discharging anything.

There’s also stuff like when he said, “This feels so good that it makes me never want to cum,” a few months back. He also said that if it were all up to him, he’d move in slow motion which is nice some of the time but boring all of the time. I usually tell him to be more aggressive. Go faster and harder.

He constantly goes from hard to soft and always has an excuse. He’s tired, he’s got a cramp, a headache, a sinus ache, etc.

She asked how he relieves himself and she can’t understand him going that long without relieving himself. I assume he takes care of himself and he’s told me he has wet dreams. She then said she agreed with me that his not cumming is psychological. She also went on to say that he could have a deep-seated fear of having a baby that he won’t open up about due to his ego or being sensitive in certain ways. Men have more apprehensions about having a baby than women, he could be afraid to lose me, etc. Yeah, I’ve heard it all. It’s not a guy thing, kids are for the mothers, it’s too non-macho, silly, and the guy’s turned off cuz the woman’s fat and feels jealous and left out due to the affection being on the baby. Yes, Tom has displayed sensitivity, jealousy, and feeling left out, but all this other stuff doesn’t fit him. If anyone has more fears and doubts about it I think it’d be me. I’m the one that always said I was afraid of losing him due to being tired, bitchy, and fat. I was afraid we’d have no time and no lives together. I was afraid the kid would come in between us, worried about affording it, etc. He’s said he’s not nervous about having a kid; there are more rewards to it than bad, and all kinds of positive things about it. I have to believe what he says. I mean, can he really be that much of a liar?

At this point, I’m gonna try my best to look at it like it’s never gonna happen as I said I would. If I’m not pregnant by the time June rolls around, then I’ll wonder if that nurse was right. Then I’ll go from thinking he’s holding off for now to he really does not want a kid. If he cums and months go by and I’m not? Then I’ll believe the DES did get the best of me and God doesn’t want me to have one for two possible reasons. One, it’d kill me. Two, I’d be such a good mom that doesn’t “qualify” in this day and age.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 1995 I can’t believe I typed up all of 43 in a day, but I did. I worked on it for about 8 hours. All my journals total 2 megabytes. I’ve got a total of 53 typed up and together they total 556 pages. I need a new binder soon. Real soon. In fact, I could use one now. Not counting this journal or ones with letters or that are already typed, I have 14 left. 76 will probably take forever.

No message from Marla yet, but I’ll check again later today.

I typed Tom up a sweet, romantic Valentine’s letter.

Yesterday I talked to Larry. Believe it or not, he had no new jokes for me.

He said it was cold with 14” of snow.

Jenny got her first bra, he said, and is changing overnight from a little girl to a young woman.

Sandy didn’t want Jenny to cut her hair, but Larry, like me, doesn’t believe in making kids have their hair a certain way or eat foods they don’t like. Mom and Tammy are the other way around. Anyway, Jenny cut her hair up to her waist, but Larry says he thinks she wants to cut it again.

He says he’s happy to be spending more time with his family, but missed the freedom of the open road. He says he loved Phoenix, the desert, and the sunsets. He still says, though, that if they ever do move, it’d probably be to FL. He doesn’t mind the humidity.

I told him I’d soon be having another operation, but didn’t have a date. March second is my pre-op appointment.

Haven’t heard from Andy since shortly before midnight on the 12th. I hope he hasn’t had any more 4 AM visitors knocking on his door.

Yesterday I also finished 88. The second book of my story. I can’t believe it. This is the longest story I’ve ever stuck to. Plus, those 42 pages it began with that are scattered throughout 82 & 83. I don’t know where, when, and how it’ll end, but I’m not really caring or thinking about it now.

I’ve only got 3 more pages to write in Andy’s birthday journal that’s got 63 pages altogether. God only knows when I’ll be seeing him to give him that, his crayon can, his Lindsay Wagner movie, and his magazine with the Phase-Out in it. He should be getting the birthday card I sent him in the mail today if he checks it. He doesn’t check his mailbox every day.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1995 I just hung up from talking to Andy and Marla. They just got Prodigy, so Marla and her husband Evan will soon be sending messages. Then I’ll reply.

Andy said that last night at 4 AM he had a bad feeling about being murdered and he also felt like something was telling him to wash his hands. He was very tired, though, and then there was a loud knock on the door. He said he was terrified, wouldn’t open the door, and whoever it was only knocked once. Then, after a few minutes, they gave up and left. He doesn’t know who it was or how many people. No one he knows would come over at that hour. Especially without calling first. He says he has no known enemies at this time. He said whoever it was probably would’ve killed him for sure and that the reason he had this feeling of something telling him to wash his hands was to make it easier for a coroner to do an autopsy.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 1995 Not much has happened since I last wrote.

Tom’s almost got the cigarette machine done. He said, “Not only will you cut down with this, but you’ll quit, too. Someday we can show our kid how its mother quit.” I don’t think so, but that’s fine if he thinks that.

I finished typing 42. I’ve begun 43 which should be done in no time at all. Some of it has printed-out stuff glued in and there are also several pages with each journal’s starting/ending dates and entry dates. I won’t be typing this stuff up. Not the chart, I mean, cuz there’s no need or reason to bother.

I spoke with Andy last night and let him know what’s going on with my ear.

His friend Sarah who moved to CA had left his outgoing message. He wanted me to tape it and leave him a new outgoing message with my voice calling him Mark and I did.

I saw the Miss USA pageant last night. Texas won. MA was from Wilbraham, another stuck-up little bedroom town with money 20 minutes away from Longmeadow. Mary C was from there. The gay staff member from Valleyhead who was leading me on while she was with Annie L, another staff member. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were still together.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 1995 I swear I’ll never watch another talk show again. They’re too depressing and infuriating and I’ve had it with the fucking teenage “bad girls.” This admitted dope head said she won’t quit doping out just cuz she’s pregnant. Her mother, meanwhile, is sitting there saying there’s nothing for teenagers to do in the town they’re from. I can see a pregnant woman smoking cigarettes, but alcohol, pot, and other hard drugs - please!

When I was talking to Andy about how God seems to give all the wrong people kids, he said that those who believe the world is near its end say that’s supposed to happen. Yeah, I know. It’s quite obvious this is “supposed” to happen. Well, maybe I would be one of those wrong people to have a kid cuz I’d have certainly beat the shit out of a couple of kids today at Dr. Nielsen’s office had it been up to me. There was a woman with a 12-year-old boy who was well-behaved. However, these twin boys who were about 8 were the biggest animals I’d ever seen. Totally off the wall and out of control. All kids are naturally loud and wild animals, but I don’t blame the kids. The mother definitely needed some serious discipline-teaching lessons. I could tell that even Tom thought they were quite wild. Back when I was a kid most kids could never get away with acting like that. Fewer kids did act like that back then cuz they were better disciplined and I don’t necessarily mean by being beaten either.

Anyway, of all people I’ve known, Tom’s been the least into saying things he or we’ll do that either don’t happen or take forever. Still, the more I think about his having said, “If you just wait two months, you’ll be pregnant,” it makes me wonder. He says he isn’t trying to force patience into me and doesn’t believe in forcing anyone into anything. This isn’t the point, though. Even though I’ve known how he’d prefer me to have a kid at age 30, the year be 1996, possibly begin cumming around the month of May, and was always in control of cumming or not, it irks me. It really irks me. If I wasn’t sterile the guy would have to cum 1-2 times a day for many months before I could get pregnant. Hell, it may even take years. Also, I feel like this is one of those things that is just talk. Do you have any idea how many times he’s told me he’s gonna cum? Practically since we met. Every week and or month since we’ve been together he was supposed to cum. I know he’s not deliberately doing this to me, but I still feel led on. I feel I handled it OK in my mind cuz the second he said I’d be pregnant in two months, I told myself, no, I won’t. It’s like he’s making excuses to tide me over in between the times I get upset over the situation.

I’ve heard people say that God won’t give us any more than we can handle. Well, I don’t buy it cuz of those who’ve committed suicide. However, if there’s any grain of truth to that and I never have a kid, I can only come up with the same theories as to why. Maybe I truly couldn’t handle it, as I always feared despite how normal my fears are. Maybe he doesn’t want anything to come between Tom and I. We sure as hell don’t. Lastly, there’s always the fact that I ain’t no teenage bad girl. I’m not a druggie, violent, etc. Well, I’ve handled stuff before I never thought I could and have been made to eat my words before, so we’ll see. Time will tell. Maybe God’s saying, “Hey! You’re selfish to want and demand more than you’ve already got. You can’t have it all. You can’t have everything you want.”

I can’t believe I’ve kept my schedule steady for this long and have made it to all my appointments. There’s no way I could’ve and would’ve done that when I was back on my own. Guess what, though? Tomorrow I sure as hell am sleeping as late as this body wants to till it awakens on its own.

Later…

I just did some more story typing and more typing of 42. I also typed up letters earlier to my parents, Tammy, Bob and Kim.

Tom and I spoke to Dad earlier to fill him in on the latest ear scoop. Ma wasn’t there, but Dad will fill her in, of course.

Dad’s going up to Brimfield in May to help the E’s out with their flea market up there. I remember them and the flea market there. Mom and Dad have flea marketed there, so to speak, a few times. At least Tammy will be happy about that, cuz of course Dad we’ll visit her and everyone else. All the family and friends, I mean.

I know I wrote about this, but back in ‘89 or ‘90 when I still lived in Springfield on Woodside Terrace, Dad and I were at the E’s house for dinner. They lived right by the flea market. Boo and Max were there too, and Max wouldn’t shut the fuck up and let me have hardly any time with Dad. Then they drove me back home and Boo asked me about Mom. She wasn’t too pleased when I said I didn’t know too much since we hardly ever got along. She asked, I told her. This was the only time they ever got on my nerves, though.

Dad said Mrs. E flew out from Hartford the other day at only -2º. Dad also said they had a record low of 36º in Florida. In Bob’s letter, I got today, he mentioned the 10-15 inches of snow, as Alex did a few days ago through Prodigy. I certainly don’t miss that shit, even though it’s chilly as all hell out there right now. Our afternoons are gorgeous and warm, though.

It’s nice right now to not have to give a damn what time I fall asleep or wake up. Like I said before, though, I’m sure I’ll sleep the day away tomorrow.

I’ll probably work on my story tomorrow, read, write, and do whatever. I still haven’t finished my music puzzle, but there’s no hurry. It sure will be a challenge, though, as the remaining 50 pieces or so are all black.

My next appointment to see Dr. Nielsen is set for March 2nd at 4 PM. Glad it’s not the 26th or 27th of this month and I hope Dr. Joganic’s isn’t either. I haven’t got a date yet on when we’ll see him. Dr. Nielsen’s office will let me know. Joganic sure is a funny last name. It’s even cornier than mine.

Tom said he could have sworn he heard a woman at work say her GYN at the main Cigna building’s last name is O. Well, Jews seem to either be doctors, lawyers, or the black sheep of their families!

Did I mention that I accidentally taped about 10 -15 seconds over that Terry Jacks song? Well, I did and tried for hours on two different days to get them to play it. When I called the station, the DJ said he would, but that’s people for you.

Guess I’m gonna go have a smoke now, then maybe I’ll hit the sack.

Later…

Today I got up at 3 PM. I’m surprised I didn’t sleep till 5:00, but I feel great.

I’m doing laundry now and I’ve typed up more of 42.

Tom’s working on the computer for a while till we have fun. I think he’ll want to go down on me, but even though I just changed the sheets, I know I can count on him not to mess them up. That is if we screw, I mean. It’s not April, but April’s still just one big joke to me till and if I ever see differently.

Dad mentioned on the phone yesterday the possibility of them coming here at the end of this year or the spring of ‘96.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 1995 Got a Valentine’s card for both of us from mom and dad and a letter from Bob.

In the car, on our way out to the appointments, I nearly killed Tom with this journal. The sun reflected in his eyes, nearly blinding him.

Actually, I really want to go get some letters written. Typed, I mean, so I’ll come back later and write.

Later…

OK, all about my appointment now. My hearing has increased by almost ½, but it could’ve been better if my ear canal wasn’t squished shut. The inner ear is still looking great and the skin graft has healed well, even though it’s not as thick as he’d like it to be. In 4-6 weeks he does have to operate again to re-open the outer ear canal. The good news is that this operation will take only two hours and not 5. Recovery will be speedy and virtually painless. Nowhere near as rough as the last time. No pressure strap either! I hated that thing. He thinks that that’s what may have caused the plastic piece in the frame to poke through. He had to do it, however, to stop the major bleeding. He’s gonna vaporize the area with a laser. The two reasons he’s got to operate are so I don’t get a deadly infection, which would most definitely happen. Also, so I can hear even better. He bluntly admitted that his territory is the inner ear only. At least we know he doesn’t have an ego. We’re being referred to a Dr. Joganic who does the outer ear stuff. They’re gonna see if they can team up together so they can both do their stuff in 1 operation.

I’ll probably have 3 choices as far as what can be done about the plastic piece that’s exposed. 1. To hack off the upper ear completely. This is probably what I’ll do cuz it seems to be the quickest and easiest thing. So, my ear will be uglier than all hell. Oh well. 2. Is to rebuild it from scratch. Supposedly the doctor can take cartilage from my ribs. Having an incision in my belly area probably won’t tickle, but at least I don’t care about the scar. Not when I already have a million scars and stretch marks and other skin defects. 3. Is to do nothing about it at all if that’s not dangerous.

Dr. Neilson said he’d do another skin graft from the same area under my left upper arm. The scar tissue apparently built up and squished the ear canal shut, so this is why he’s got to re-graft the outer canal. He said there’s a 98% success rate for the second operation keeping the canal wide open.

I had been worried that I wouldn’t be able to get on with my life and that I’d have a million doctor’s appointments a month for the next year or so, but he said not to worry and to go ahead and get on with my life.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1995 I got 15 minutes of him playing van next door for the first time in a week or two. Must be my compensation for the kids being quieter, but I’ll take that over the kids. The guy’s so weird, though. Must’ve been doing something he didn’t want his family to see. Or maybe he was taking his sweet time as far as entering a house with a million screaming kids after a long day of work.

Yesterday I finished typing up 37 and began 42 today. All the ones between 37-42 are either done or just letters.

Amazingly enough, I pulled myself out of bed around noon again today. Can’t believe I’ve been holding the same schedule now for over a week. Tom’s gonna wake me up tomorrow shortly after noon. I have those two appointments tomorrow. I am not looking forward to them!

I had pork chops and tater tots ready for when Tom got home. I did my nails and vacuumed after Tom fixed the vacuum, and that’s really about all. I’m not in the mood to read or finish up the puzzle, so I guess I’ll go do some computer work.

I wish I had been more organized when I first began editing. I should’ve made a list and edited one convo at a time. Due to my having jumped around so much, who the hell knows where I am? I believe I’ve edited almost everything I’ve got and am far from being as backed up as I thought.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1995 I haven’t been as consistent with my writing lately, have I? Where do I begin now? Well, with whatever comes to mind, I guess.

Very late Sunday night I was talking with Andy. He called the Springfield weather line and I called his machine so we could tape it. Sure enough, it was 0º with an expected high for the next day only in the middle teens. We were cracking up and I played the tape for Tom and Tammy after I taped it onto a regular tape. At that time it was 62º here with an expected high of 82º for the next day.

I laid out today, but not for very long at all. It only takes me about 45 minutes to start getting sun poisoning.

Next door’s been great.

Got a message from Alex the other day and a letter from Kim. She had also enclosed a “love letter” she got from Bob who I haven’t been hearing from too much.

Yesterday I finished that 1000-piece puzzle and am almost done with the 500-piece one.

I have been having to set my clock for noon so as to be able to make it to my appointment OK. It’s been hard, but I’ve been doing it.

Later…

Wow! I guess I really can tell when I’m ovulating. The book said something about slight quick cramps and higher temperatures. Also, your fluids are runnier. I thought this would normally all happen at once, but about 4-5 days ago I was “runny” for a few days. Then two days ago I had a few cramps and right now, 14 days after my period, my temperature’s 99.1.

Not surprisingly, Tom’s beat and is going to bed.

When I’m mid-cycle, he gives off just as many mixed messages about having a kid as I sometimes do, though not nearly as much as he does. I’m sure everyone does this at some point, but I can think of lots of things he’s said to indicate he does want a kid and lots of things he’s said to indicate he doesn’t. He’s told me that he likes the idea of it being 1996 and my being 30 when we have a kid. Therefore, maybe in April or May, he’ll let himself cum. He’s still “always close.” If he doesn’t cum by April or May then I’ll wonder if he really does want one, even though he says he does, or if there’s anything wrong with him. He’s said he’s cum before, so I still assume he’s holding off.

We did screw around last night and it was great. Once again I was able to cum as long as I fingered my clit.

Tomorrow evening I’ll take my temperature again to see if the higher temp lingers on and for how long.

Later…

Tom and I had a productive talk before he went to bed. We always communicate and talk, but this was different and I’m glad to be enlightened, so to speak. As smart as I am, I felt really bad and stupid for not understanding a certain thing, but Tom told me not to think I did anything wrong or bad. He said he wants a kid really bad, but to understand how pressure can make things hard for you, even if it’s all about something you want to do. I want to be more of a day person, but it can be stressful. I want to cut down on my smoking, but that can be stressful, too. He said if I just wait two months, I’ll be pregnant. I’m so so so sorry if I’ve appeared to be pressuring this man. He understands, though, that I never meant to pressure him and that’s OK to discuss something you’re interested in (despite my fears about it) like how he and I constantly gab about computers and music. I didn’t realize that this is a different kind of pressure and I’m glad I can see that now for both of our sakes. Otherwise, he and I are doing fine and getting along just great.

Tom’s hairdresser had really nice long beautiful hair. Mine’s an inch away from the crack of my ass, but she really inspired me to keep up on mine. I sat back and said to myself, hey, why are you doing this? Why are you neglecting your hair when you don’t have to worry about money and you’ve got a perfect hairdresser living right here 24/7? So, on March 1st, I’ll probably have Tom take 2” off. Then 1” every 6 weeks. I’ve been using the detangler which is very heavy. She recommended something called Ensure by Nexus and says it’s lighter and works better.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1995 Where shall I start tonight with my update? Well, yesterday Tom and I went out and he got his hair trimmed. He has curly hair and when you pulled it straight it was in between his neck and the middle of his back. He got a few inches trimmed, but it’s still kind of long.

We went to the library. He got a book on how to fix CD players and has begun fixing the CD player I had bought with my rent deposit from Russ. That was the very end of March of ’91, a few days before I moved to S. Deerfield. I got a regular-print mystery book and a large-print romance novel. Large print is really cool, but I just couldn’t get into this romance book, so I’ve just begun the mystery.

While he was getting his haircut, I went to the art store nearby with a $20 bill he gave me. There I got another silk-like flower and a long leafy vine-like thing. I’ve got that strung across the living room/hall doorway. We still plan to get some wire mesh someday, more flowers little by little, and build an arc of flowers in one of the doorways.

I also got a mug with a picture of a collie. They have tons of dog mugs there and little by little I’d like to replace my mugs with them.

Lastly, I got a 500-piece puzzle of a piano, sheet music & violin. They had several nice puzzles and I’m almost done with the one I’ve been doing. No more 1000-piece puzzles, though. They’re a pain in the ass. Especially on a regular-size table with no room to spread out the pieces to see them better.

Tom picked up tax forms at the PO after his hair was done.

Tom showed me where the nearest regular mailbox is. It isn’t too far from here, but I still wish there were one on this street corner.

Today Tom and I went to Scottsdale (Snottsdale) for a job fair at Wells Fargo Bank. He wasn’t impressed at all and said they pay pretty shitty dough.

Later…

Next door has been wonderful. The last week has been warm to even kind of hot in the low 80s. I was really afraid I’d get no peace out back, but all’s been just great. They’re moved to the front of the house as they do at this time of year. Why I don’t know, but there’s been no ear-piercing screaming or ball games.

Got another Prodigy letter from Alex and I replied back.

Tammy told me about a week ago she’d put some recipes on Prodigy. Yeah, right. Does she ever do anything she says she’s gonna do? Not since I’ve been out here.

Late last night I rearranged the living room. I was afraid it might be a bitch, but it was a piece of cake. It looks really nice, but we still want and could use an entertainment center.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 1995 Our winter here is definitely on its way out. It was 82º today and it’ll be 84º tomorrow. I laid out in the sun today and yesterday for about an hour. I began to get sun poisoning on my thighs, though, so I have to not lay out, but I can still go out and do whatever. I do have more color, though.

Yesterday I finished typing 36 and now have 50 journals typed up. It’s amazing that I’ve typed up my life on Oswego St. and Woodside Terrace in Springfield, then S. Deerfield and Norwich. Then the two apartments I was in at the Vista and now I’m right where I just moved in Crystal and just met Tom.

Larry called last night. Sandy and Jennifer got their cards yesterday. I talked to all 4 of them there and I was laughing at Sandy. We’ve been having beautiful weather and it’s freezing there.

Larry and I exchanged jokes as usual.

That tennis player Martina Navratilova was found drowned.

They found her face down on Ricki Lake.

After a cigarette break and a change of pens, I’ll write more bad news about my ear.

Later…

The doctor was worried that this plastic thing they put in my ear frame in Boston may poke through. Well, it did, so now I may have to see a plastic surgeon cuz he only deals with the inner ear. Great. Just great. I’ve really had enough of this. It makes me just want to forget about continuing on with my ear, fuck the dentist, and fuck having a kid. I don’t really know if I’m even gonna bother with my two appointments next week. If I did, it’d only be cuz of how much it means to Tom.

I talked with Tammy today who didn’t get a call from Larry last night. I knew she talked to little Larry a few times and I had thought she had also talked to Sandy and Jenny, but she’s never talked to them.

[misteria247]

Y'all ever wonder how 07 Leo deals with the temperature changes whenever he comes home to NYC??

Like if you really think about it the dude was literally in Central America for two years, which means he was in a much more humid climate and atmosphere, was surrounded by jungle growth and overwhelming heat waves during the summer months. Basically he was in an extremely warm climate for a very long time and suddenly he comes back home and after the Winters incident he's staying put. Like could you imagine how autumn must feel like to him?? Just imagine he feels the slightly chilly air and starts to shiver because brrr and his brothers notice it and 07 Mikey's like:

"Dude you okay? You're shivering?"

And 07 Leo being stubborn and feeling slightly stupid for getting cold in autumn is just like:

"Yeah I'm fine don't worry about it."

And it just goes on and the colder it gets the more 07 Leo just starts unconsciously seeking warmer things. Like he'll unintentionally start to lean towards 07 Splinter and leech off his warmth cuz of his fur or he'll snuggle in between 07 Donnie and 07 Raph during movies because omg they're so warm and he's freezing his shell off. As autumn draws to its close and winter gets into gear this blue dummy is literally a shivering disaster. Like I'm talking won't get out of his bed in the morning because the floor's freezing cold, teeth chattering, carrying a blanket around with him cold. At this point everyone notices 07 Leo's behavior and 07 Donnie gets hit with an epiphany and goes:

"Omfg he's cold because he hasn't been in this climate for like two years ugh I can't believe I didn't think of this possibility sooner-"

And he'll go into mother hen mode going to do research on the subject of reintroducing his older brother back into the colder temperatures of NYC instead of the hotter sweltering heat of Central America. 07 Raph meanwhile will hunt down his idiot big brother and once he finds him he's already got a blanket and just tackles him wrapping him up in a blanket burrito going on and on like:

"Why the hell didn't you say anything you moron??? If yer cold then say something for fuck sake-"

Later 07 Leo is literally drowning in blankets and pillows surrounded by his brothers who joined in the little nest to help him warm up. 07 Splinter would bring in hot chocolate and hand the mugs out while 07 Donnie is going over different techniques to help 07 Leo readjust to the weather in North America. 07 Mikey is snuggled up against 07 Leo keeping him warmer via physical contact and because it's been literally two years since they've done anything remotely turtle pile like. 07 Raph would be teasing 07 Leo slightly saying he's gotten old since his trip to Central America if he can't handle a little cold but it's plain to see that he's worried whenever he grabs a corner of the blanket that's falling off of them and placing it back onto them. 07 Splinter will make himself comfortable on the armchair watching his boys warmly and 07 Leo will look around the room, warm and secured and slightly sleepy because God this is really nice and he'll see his father and his warm gaze, his brother 07 Donnie already figuring out ways to help him, leaning up against his one side, his other brother 07 Mikey curled up practically into his side buried beneath the blankets with him, and 07 Raph watching over them and bumping his shoulder with his to comfort him in his own way and think:

'It's good to be home.'

Before drifting off into a small nap with his brothers following one by one.

[pianocat939]

Okay so I like really like your writing style and I would like to make a request!!

Can we see the boys with a reader that had drastic changes in temperature really easily? Like one second they’re burning alive and then the next their bundled in blankets.

Thank you in advance if you write this!!!

-👻

As someone who lives in a place where it's winter literally 7-8 whole months, I totally do not get this *cue awkward smile*. So most of the stuff written here is geared towards winter.

I split this into parts because I felt there can be both platonic and romantic reactions to this.

The Turtles with a Temperature Vulnerable MC

(There isn't much of a difference between romantic and platonic for Mikey + Raph. It's more for Leo and D'Nello)

Raph

- Platonic

Sorry guys I have to go back to his trauma again.

He worries a lot. It's obvious considering his Eldest Child Syndrome™

So much so that he carries around a bag filled with jackets/layers, ice packs, fans: and all that stuff when you guys leave either of your homes.

He tries to keep the temperature indoors as mild as possible, but it can get hard during the summer and winter months (winter especially 'cuz he's a reptile).

Will ask if you want hugs whenever you're cold. He may be a reptile, but I think he retains some warm-blooded traits from Splinter.

Learns how drinks are a great way to regulate temperature and asks Mikey to teach him how to make delicious beverages.

During winter he doesn't let you out until you have a coat and a light jacket on (trust me you get hot in winter coats really fucking easy).

"Nope. Not letting you out until you have them layers on."

Worried parent 1000%

- Romantic

Not too different from platonic, just more prone to be touchy.

Holds your hand(s) and cuddles if you if you're cold. And also because he's a cuddlebug.

He gets really pouty if you have to separate because you're too hot.

"If I were to cover myself in ice packs will you cuddle me?"

Leo

- Platonic

He will laugh whenever you have to change your surroundings/position because of temperature issues.

He might try to piss you off by stealing all the blankets or turning the heater/cooler to insane settings.

"Um, excuse me, I need all of these."

If he feels nice, on some days he'll hand you the things you need directly; might even teleport steal extra machinery for you.

Honestly, I think he would relate to your problem, but be the biggest drama queen about it. Like complaining extremely loudly.

Flaunts the number of blankets he has.

- Romantic

Is less snarky, but can be a little bug sometimes.

I think if we're speaking in a romantic sense he's more likely to expose his true feelings/intentions. I know it's not explicitly stated within the canon series/movie but based on my own interpretation I think he doesn't like exposing his feelings unless he really trusts that person.

So he'll express worry in a more intimate way.

He won't be all mama bear like Raph but does show some concern. He'll ask if you're alright and if you need he'll bring it right to you.

As I said before I do think he has a similar problem so he'll suggest you guys share a blanket or something to conserve as much heat.

"As soon as you get out I'm not letting you back in. This is my heat reserve."

Othello Von Ryan

- Platonic

Out of the three has the best assistance for temperature regulation.

He can easily construct a device that changes surrounding heat based on blood and heartbeat regulation.

He's iffy when it comes to helping you out that isn't biology or just in general science related. It's not that he doesn't understand it, he finds it inefficient that's all.

"Why waste time doing things that could maybe help when you know that the studies of science are more credible?"

No touch. Maybe robot arms with heating, but no actual touchy.

It's hot? Don't worry he got his beautiful ice maker in his battle shell.

He does not stand for complaining. Just tell him you're uncomfortable and he can fix it.

- Romantic

In a romantic sense, I think he's more likely to try to help in a non-scientific way. Again, it's not his preferred method but it can also be a data-collecting experience for him.

He'll ask more questions, trying to understand your individual biology.

"Is there a certain time interval when you feel you're personal comfort change?"

He really doesn't like it but if you need it very badly then he might give you a stiff hug or two. Awkward back pat gang

If you spend time in the lab with him then he'll make sure the environment is to your liking.

Asks Sheldon to watch over you if he's not able to be there at the moment.

I totally see him as a trench coat guy. Gifts you a matching one.

Mikey Wazowski

- Platonic + Romantic

Quite similar to Raph but has some distinct traits.

Will go overboard with everything because he's not entirely sure what you exactly need. Ex. 4-5 blankets or more than enough electric fans

Found frozen foods and used them in replace of ice packs once.

"I'm gonna find who stole them all because I am disgusted at myself right now!"

Uses his culinary skills as an advantage. Is it 3 star Michelin course shit? Indeed it is.

"I present to you my Ganache hot chocolate~"

He absolutely loves physical touch so keep that in mind. You'll have to pry him off you if you get hot though.

Donnie has to teach him how the thermostat works (it's not hard, he's just never used it before).

If you're ever under a blanket he'll try jumping on you.

(Sorry Mikey's is short I'm pulling all my brain cells trying to think of any possible ways)

——————————————————

I tried. I really tried.

Also, I don't ever want to call Mikey "Mikey" ever again. He's "Mikey Wazowski" now.

- Celina

[sugarcoated-mentalhealth]

I actually got fired up to my vacation at the end of October. It was with 3 months notice.

The only reason I got is that it didn't work out with the corporation/cooperation (they didn't make it clear which one they were saying, so I don't even which they meant) and that they didn't have to give me more details.

I had gotten a key very suddenly after the first two months, as they didnt think they could entrust them to the one that was actually hired to get them eventually. But they were also low on people, so it was kind of an emergency. But suddenly, I had to learn much more and on much less time while also having lot of days where we were 2-3 people at most in a 2-floor store, often being either the only one or the one of two that had more than 1-3 weeks experience at this place.

It was super stressful, all while going through diagnosing adhd and/or autism, starting out on the adhd meds, the passing of my grandpa, boyfriend also being stressed and often sick, struggling with their own jobs (and jobless period) and getting bad news on one of their family members being diagnosed with cancer and having less than a year to live, roadwork that affected my commute to work (stops changing placement from day to day, long lines, messed up schedules, etc), terrible air-conditioning that got me way too warm while the trip between work and the station often having alot of wind (I don't do well with sudden or big temperature changes, my body often can't keep up, so it's both overstimulating and I can get easily sick from it). Later on I also learned my parents had been having relationship troubles, one family member have been struggling more with excessive drinking mixing with dementia admitted to a hospital, then to another, then rehab facility, now they're at another place I haven't seen yet. And another family member, that have been struggling with their mental health over some years now(stress, depression, anxiety things as I understand) had been admitted to hospital/ward/etc to make sure they would be safe staying at home even when their partner couldn't be at home (I think they were admitted for 1-2 weeks). And I also had to prepare for an event I had been looking forward too and often have to take the lead on arranging.

(and some work issues, but I've gone on long enough)

I wanted to try and last thoughtout the last 3 months, but the week after my vacation was over, my boyfriend got diagnosed with liver fibrosis (stage 3), with an estimated 5-10 years left to live...

The last one became too much, I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with all of this AND work min. 30hrs a week during the holiday season, along with roadwork and winter itself causing even more trouble with my commute to and from work and making the trip longer in general.

I was lucky that my union was very understanding of my situation, and confirmed that I wouldn't risk issues with them if I took sick leave for the last couple of months, even offered me earlier on to maw sure they added my earned vacation days, so my sick leave would be shorter while I still get to be home and hopefully lower my stress level at least a little before having to go back to jobhunting.

I also mentioned the firing and boyfriend's diagnosis to the group I usually arrange the event with, so they knew why I was having trouble keeping up with what I usually do, and that I would need more help than usual, even if it was just them either doing the e-mails, contacting the applicants or figuring out the music, I had already have one of the things slip between my fingers because of the stress, I didn't want to risk complicating things for the event. They were very understanding and did their best (I still did some micromanaging cuz of me not dealing well with not knowing what is going on or being used to deal with it anyway and therefore not being able to let go a bit more, and we all have our own struggles so sometimes it just means that I'm the only one left to do it. Especially as I've often not had work during the events or the planning up to them)

Other stressful, shitty and sad things have been happening to both during and after. This was mostly to bundle together the work stuff in one post and it's reblogs though, so I won't be adding more of them here.

But I've come to the conclusion (based on the work xp along with getting my diagnosis for adhd and autism) that I don't think I'm able to hold down a full-time job. Maybe not even 30 hrs a week (especially if the commute is longer than 30min with public transit). And that if I keep working in stores, I don't think I can do the big chains.

I think I'll need to find out if I can get the mentor help when starting new places too. Cause even if I figure the job itself pretty fast or I get along fine with colleagues, it seems that I can only really do one of those at time, and often at the cost of the other. A mentor and more understanding of my specific needs at the individual workplaces, would probably help me start out a bit stronger, so I can at the very least last longer at the different jobs, instead of suddenly fumbling because I can't keep up with it all while also trying to deal with memory, focus, anxiety and avoiding overstimulation to the best of my abilities.

Now I'm just waiting for the social worker I was told I would be out in contact with, so I can actually start working on it..

Wanna cry, trying hard not to let the anxiety get a chokehold on me, gotta go to another job interview, an hour away, Im also gonna receive answer from another jobinterview today. And then I gotta decide if I really want it, but I can't really say no or I'll risk losing the financial help I get, not unless I have another job offer. And I got two potential ones. That I don't really want either...

But one of the places I already work at and it's closer to my home but everyone else is basically leaving and I don't wanna be stuck with a boss that makes their employees wanting to flee from the workplace. And I'm not able to help out customers proper yet either.

I just wanna cry and disappear, I'm never gonna get any better at any of this....

[oceanlue]

AURON CHRISTMAS SPECIAL PLSSS

-☔️

(Marry Christmas everyone and I hope you all have a happy new year)

Auron x reader

3rd pov

It was a nice cold winter day not too cold and not too hot but just the right temperature for people to be out with their loved ones as today was, December 24th Christmas Eve a day to Rejoice with everyone around you keeping them warm and safe until the next day work Christmas will be upon us.

And no other person more like Auron wanted to surprise his significant other.

Ever since the week of Christmas started he's been planning all this time just to make something special for her/him.

And this time he hopes that no interruptions would go under way unlike last time that happened but tonight isn't about interruptions since his "irritation" was gone he's been more of a joyous mood and wanting to be in his significant others arms on this Christmas Eve night.

Auron's pov

Finally everything is done and put away today has been tiring but not all tiring I still have some energy for tonight as the plans that I have planned must go perfectly. For a while I've been thinking maybe I should try to do something for rookie since they have been working harder than anybody else and they've been more tired so maybe maybe nice for once can change the pace a little bit.

As I put everything away I went to my car and got ready for a little outing even though they would like to call it a date I don't really mind at all anymore.

After I got dressed and a different kind of suit not my usual suit that I always wear at work A different kind of suit and I did my hair a little different and I kept on wondering myself.......why am I so nervous about this!!!!!.

It's just a little Christmas Eve out it's not a date........is it. Well whatever it is I just hope that they find it relaxing.

"Let's get on with it"

Y/n pov

Well this is unexpected, even though I've been working myself down to the bone I didn't expect auron to take me on a date on Christmas eve even though he continues to call them not dates, I beg to differ.

Still it is charming for him to wanting to go out and just relax instead of worrying about work or whatever he does on his free time.

I heard a honk outside and as I got my coat I locked my door turned around and saw the most amazing sight I have ever seen in my life. Aaron's standing right across my driveway looking so gorgeous in a different kind of suit not his usual one but it's more different.

"well don't you look lovely this evening different suit or you just trying to impress me"

"Nice try Rook, if I wanted to impress you I would have gone all out but tonight is different, and dare I say ...nice."

" Oh, and here I thought you already did go all out but I understand, different people have different taste."

Auron gose around the car and holds my hand to give it a kiss.

"My dear tonight is different cuz instead of going to dinner out were going somewhere different to eat."

" oh well pray to tell"

"Tonight will be going to my place for dinner"

It was a nice comfortable ride going there not awkward or sickening silent just very comfortable little conversations here and there but it was nice.

As we made it to his place we started heading up in the elevator as as we have made little conversations about what's about to have him teasing me again, (Jesus with this man) and I just can't really get enough of him.

3rd pov

Auron and Y/N walked into his place. Y/n saw a place at the table of two with candles, wine, flowers.......it was beautiful. As the night went on and conversations were shared while eating and having sips of wine they were done with dinner and retired to the couch where they just held one another in each other's arms.

"Tonight was beautiful auron"

"I'm glad you like it my dear and I hope you will continue to be with me on every outing we have together"

As I looked into each other's eyes with so much passion and love that I leaned and close and gave a passionate kiss.

As the passionate kiss got more heated things turned a little hot as Aaron was only left in his pants and rookie in her dress.

"Now this isn't fair rook I can't be the only one that gets undressed, why don't we see what your hiding~"

Has he took off the dress he was amazed to see red lingerie and he was more turned on than he is right now

"Oh my rook, looks like you really got me to be more ravenous tonight~"

-----------------

Headcannons

After the whole dinner date here on ravish to you until the morning he ravished you so well that you couldn't walk the next day on Christmas

But he was willing to carry you all the way to the couch for a Christmas morning and to watch the sunrise from the couch of the window view with some hot chocolate

It was a beautiful Christmas morning that everything was beautiful and perfect

Little teases from Aaron here and there

But you would never have it differently for you love him and he loves you and that would never change between you two no matter who he has to hurt

------------

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

Peace out

💙💙💙

🎁🌲🎅🎄🤶

[2dmenenthusiast]

Warmth - a Bakugou x Reader Christmas special

its finally done hhhhhh I love how I was just like “Oh yeah I’ll do a short little fic for Christmas” and then I ended up typing this long ass fic. I mean, its not that long but it took me days to write cuz I lack motivation always so it feels long lmao. Anyways, haven’t wrote for my explodey boy bakugou yet so here it is! Let me know if I gave the reader any specific pronouns or features by accident and I’ll fix it right away! I hope you all enjoy! Please feel free to reblog if you wanna give my fic more exposure, I'd really appreciate it 😚

Summary: You get caught in the middle of a snowstorm, and when you get home, you’re desperately craving the warmth of your exploding, ragey boyfriend. 

Word count: 3.3K

Warnings/other info: swearing, itty bitty reference to sexy times, spoiler for Bakugou’s hero name, just a lot of fluff (you guys are so mean to each other tho lmao)

You hated winter. Actually, scratch that. Let’s rephrase. You hate snow. No, you had nothing against the actual season. Winter brought you cute Christmas movies and catchy songs, as well as the gift-giving holiday itself. However, snow was a demon, and it could fuck right off. Especially when it was blowing directly into your face like it was now, your snow-covered boots trudging through the thick snow as you held grocery bags in each of your gloved hands. Even though you were wearing a thick winter coat and hat, and had your scarf covering half of your face, you felt like you were about to shiver out of your own skin and god you could barely fucking see with all of this snow going directly into your eyes.

“‘It’s right down the street, y/n, just walk there.’ What am I, fucking stupid?” you muttered.

You had figured it would be better to just walk to the store rather than using up gas or spending money on transportation, and fuck were you dumb for making that decision. Bakugou had warned you too, taking one look outside and telling you it would be better to just go get groceries tomorrow. But noooo, you just had to get it done today. And honestly, it looked like the roads were gonna be shitty for the next few days, so better now than later. Speaking of the roads, there were barely any cars driving on them, which was expected. The plow didn’t look like it had come through yet. However, a vehicle slowly came towards you, going under the speed limit to avoid sliding on the road, and you could hear The Christmas Song playing loudly from inside as it passed. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Yeah, the only thing going to be roasting on an open fire was your ass the second you walked through the door. And by an open fire, you meant the heater, which Bakugou better have on full fucking blast, or else you swore you were going to wring his neck.

As your apartment building became closer in view, you doubled your efforts and tried to speed up your pace, but the snow made it almost impossible when it was almost past your shins. Still, you grit your teeth and pushed through, letting out a relieved groan when you walked through the front door of your building and felt heat blast you in the face. Releasing a sigh, your grip tightening on the grocery bags as you traversed up the stairs to your apartment, and when you jammed your keys in the lock and pushed through the door, it was just as you suspected. Too fucking cold.

“He’s dead. He’s a dead man. He knew I was going out in the fucking arctic tundra that is the city right now, but he chose to keep the thermostat at fucking 70 degrees?!” you thought, grumbling to yourself as you set the bags down in the kitchen and marched over to the thermostat.

“Hey, take your fucking boots off, will you? You’re tracking snow.”

You raised your middle finger in the direction the voice came from, not even looking back

at your boyfriend as you turned the dial of the thermostat and watched the numbers go up until you were satisfied. Turning to look at Bakugou with a glare, you said something that he could tell was filled with frustration and anger, but he could barely hear you when you were talking through your scarf, raising an eyebrow as if to silently say, “what the fuck are you saying?” Rolling your eyes, you toed off your boots and hung up your coat, taking off your gloves and hat next before unwrapping your scarf from around your face and neck.

“I said you’re a fucking maniac. How are you not freezing?” you asked, hurrying past Bakugou to your shared bedroom so that you could change into something warmer.

Bakugou just scoffed, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched you change. “You remember what my quirk is, right?”

Slipping one of Bakugou’s large hoodies over your head, you let out a sigh. “Oh right, I forgot that along with the ability to blow shit up, you’re also a walking heat box,” you said, throwing the hood over your head as you turned to your boyfriend with a small pout.

He just looked at you with an amused smirk, a single eyebrow quirked as he looked you up and down. He had to admit, he’d never get tired of seeing you in his clothes. Though he quickly became worried when a mischievous grin appeared on your face, and he had no time to react when you were running forward and slipping your hands underneath his shirt, wrapping your arms around his bare torso.

“Gah! Shit, you’re fucking freezing!” he yelled, trying to push you off of him, but you just tightened your hold as you buried your face in his chest. “Hey! Don’t you get comfy, get the hell off of me.”

“But you’re so waaarm,” you whined, looking up at him with cute puppy dog eyes. You weren’t lying, he was very warm, and you’d be damned if you pulled away from him anytime soon.

Letting out a growl through clenched teeth, Bakugou gripped your thighs in his hands and suddenly lifted you, and you let out a noise of surprise, not expecting your feet to come off the ground as your legs automatically wrapped around him so that you wouldn’t fall. Carrying you back into the living room, he threw you on the couch and pinned you with a glare when you tried to move, not walking away until he was certain you wouldn’t get up from that couch. Once he turned his back to you, you sat up on your knees and looked over the back of the couch as Bakugou walked into the kitchen, bending over the reach into one of the bags, and holy fuck his ass in those sweatpants was downright fucking sinful. As the cool kids would say, he was, “double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon.”

“It’s Saturday, and stop staring at my ass, you damn perv,” Bakugou grumbled without looking back at you, and you pursed your lips as you raised your hands in surrender.

“Not my fault you’re so dummy thicc.”

“For the love of god, stop watching TikTok.”

You just laughed and stood from the couch, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the counter as you watched your boyfriend put the groceries away. “You don’t have to do that, you know. I can put them away.”

“Nonsense. You were just out freezing your ass off in the snow. Now get back on that couch before I throw you on it again,” he said.

You smiled at the kind gesture. While Bakugou was often rude and uncouth, not making an effort to hide his frustration or disdain for certain people or things, there was a soft spot deep down in there, and you were lucky enough to be one of the few people he showed it too. Of course, it was hardly willingly. You were persistent as hell, getting under his skin the moment you started going to UA with him. However, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like your persistence.

Letting out a small hum to yourself, you leaned over and pressed your lips against his cheek, his skin warming up under your touch. “You’re cute.”

A light pink dusted his cheeks as you walked back to the couch and plopped down onto the soft cushions, grabbing the fluffy blanket hanging over the back and draping it around your shoulders. No, if anyone in this relationship was cute, it was you. With the way you stole his clothes and just seemed to always make them look better, or made him his bento lunch with cute little notes inside that he secretly kept in his desk and would look at whenever he needed a little pick-me-up. You probably didn’t realize how much he noticed every little thing you did, but he did, and it made him fall more in love with you every day. Of course, he wasn’t very eloquent and it was hard for him to express how he felt with words, but he was a believer in how actions spoke louder.

“Hey, dipstick! You almost done? I’m about to freeze my ass off over here and I need my cuddle buddy,” you yelled from the living room, and Bakugou’s eyebrow twitched as he scoffed, running a hand over his face. You just had to ruin it, didn’t you?

“Yeah, yeah, wait a sec, would you? Not my fault your body can’t regulate temperature like a normal fucking human being.”

Your head popped up, looking over the couch at your boyfriend with an incredulous look on your face. “‘Normal?!’ What about you is normal, Mr. I-get-unnecessarily-ragey-and-blow-shit-up? Hm?”

“Oh and you think you’re so normal when you bought fucking ice cream in the middle of goddamn winter,” he said, holding up the tub of ice cream you recently bought on your trip to the store.

“Ice cream is good for any time of the year! And you have no room to judge me. It could be a hundred degrees out and you’ll be scarfing down a bowl of spicy ramen like it’s your last meal.”

“You don’t hear me complaining about it though, do you?”

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest as you pouted. “Jerk. you know, I hope your quirk just one day combusts and you blow up your own face.”

“Fuckface.”

“Asshole.”

“Dumbass.”

“Mama’s boy.”

Eyes widening, he dropped the last grocery bag on the floor and stomped over to the couch. If you were any normal person, you probably would’ve been cowering in fear just from the pro-heroes intense stair. But you had been with Bakugou for a while now, and what “normal” person would date someone whose first draft of their hero name was Lord Explosion Murder anyway? He placed his hands on the top of the couch, looking down at you as you stared up at him with a shit-eating grin on your face.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“Oh, I think you heard me.”

“Take it back or I’m blowing up all of your Deku shirts.”

You gasped dramatically, placing both of your hands over your heart as you gaped at your boyfriend before narrowing your eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

He didn’t say anything, simply raising an eyebrow at your challenge before walking towards your shared bedroom without another word. Oh. Oh, he was being serious. Scrambling off the couch, you ran after him.

“No! Nononono, wait. Ugh, All right!”

He turned to look at you, one of your shirts of the Pro hero Deku held tight in his fist and a smirk on his face that meant trouble. You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at the nearby wall, not wanting to see that stupid little grin on his stupid face.

“You… You’re- not a mama’s boy,” you muttered under your breath, coughing to make the words more unintelligible.

“I’m sorry, what did you say? I think I feel my hand warming up a bit.”

“Ugh, fine! You’re not a mama’s boy. Happy?”

Grin widening, he dropped the shirt and walked over to you in long strides, closing the distance quickly and placing his hands on your waist. “See? Was that so hard?”

“Absolutely teeth-pulling,” you said, dropping your head on his chest as he chuckled, bringing a hand up to gently pat your head. Of course, there wasn’t a lot about you two that was so different from each other. You both had a mutual hatred for backing down. He then looked over at the bed where the green-haired hero’s smiling face stared back at him, and he scowled.

“Why do you have so many shirts of that damn nerd anyway?”

“I don’t have that many, Katsu.”

“You have like ten. You don’t have any merch of me.” His grip on you tightened possessively, and if he wasn’t aware of it, you certainly were, smiling against his chest before lifting your head.

“Why would I need merch when I have the real life thing right here?” you asked, poking at his abs. “Besides, it’s not like I bought them. They were gifts whenever he had new designs come out.”

“And you couldn’t just refuse?”

“Even if you have some weird tension with him, that doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with him, dummy.” You lightly flicked his forehead and slipped out of his grasp as you walked back out to the living room, and he followed close behind with furrowed brows.

“Weird tension? The hell’s that supposed to mean?”

You just looked at him with raised eyebrows and shrugged, dropping down onto the couch before pulling out your phone. It took him a second to understand what you were getting at, and when he did, he wanted to vomit up his lunch.

“Oh, you’re sick.”

You threw your hands up. “I’m not saying I ship it! Your Twitter followers certainly do, though.”

“Yeah well, they’re all weirdos anyway,” he said, sitting down next to you and throwing an arm around your shoulders, and you immediately relaxed into him, content with the warmth he seemed to produce 24/7. “The only person I wanna be…” he grimaced, shaking his head, “shipped with is you.”

You smiled, looking up at Bakugou as you placed your hand on his chest. “I think people would if we didn’t constantly insult each other while we’re out in public. And you know, if you were actually affectionate with me.”

“I’m affectionate!” he yelled, arm tightening around you. “Those damn extras don’t need to see that shit anyway. Not like it’s any of their business.”

You chuckled and moved to straddle Bakugou’s thighs, hands taking their time as you dragged them up his muscular torso and splayed your fingers over his chest. You admired the man below you with a small smile on your face, his hands moving so that they rested on your thighs, giving them a small squeeze, and you watched his tongue swipe over his bottom lip as he seemed to look at you with that same red-eyed intense stare that he always did. Leaning down, you placed a slow kiss against his lips but pulled away before he could deepen it, and he chased your lips with a quiet growl as you let out an amused huff.

“Would you…” You could tell he was hesitant, never knowing how to properly express what he wanted to say, especially when he was feeling vulnerable. You placed your lips against his cheek, gently holding his face in your hands to try and reassure him. “Would you like me to be more affectionate in public? Would that… make you happy?”

Brows furrowing, your lips formed into a frown as you sat back, hands slipping into his. “Katsu… we’ve been together since our high school days. If I had any complaints, wouldn’t I have voiced them by now?” He opened his mouth, but you didn’t give him the chance to respond, grabbing his face again. “Listen to me for a second. Despite what people think about your rough edges and your unpleasant attitude-”

“Watch it.”

You smiled. “I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you. Your random outbursts, your sailor mouth, your shitty nicknames for all of our friends. Those things are what make you Bakugou Katsuki. Not some shitty tabloid with that stupid headline that’s like “Ten things to know about Pro Hero Dynamight!” or whatever. They’re all bullshit. No one sees the side of you that I get to. No one sees the big softie that you really are.” You lightly poked Bakugou’s chest with a giggle, and he swatted at your hand.

“Hey, I’m not soft, you dumbass,” he grumbled, and you just laughed as you leaned into him and wrapped your arms around his neck, resting your forehead on his shoulder.

“Keep telling yourself that.”

You heard him sigh and felt his arms wrap around you, happy in his strong embrace. There was nowhere you felt safer than in Bakugou’s arms. They were always there to hold you at night, or to pull you into a hug when you were feeling upset. You loved his arms, but you loved him in general. Everything about him always had butterflies fluttering around in your stomach. When he would gaze at you like you were the only other person in the world, or when he’d come home after a particularly rough day, and you’d offer to help him relieve some stress, but he’d insist that the only thing on his mind at the moment was you underneath him while he memorized and tasted every inch of you. Yeah, you were a love-struck idiot, but so was he. Maybe even more so.

You were brought out of your thoughts when the lights started to flicker before going out, and you waited a few seconds for them to come back on, but they never did. Are you fucking kidding me?

“Um… Katsuki?”

“Hm.”

“Please tell me our power didn’t just go out.”

“Our power didn’t go out.”

You smacked his chest. “Don’t be a smartass.”

“Then don’t say stupid shit.”

You let out a groan before whining out his name, and he sighed as he lifted you off of him and walked into the kitchen to grab his phone. It was like you could already feel the cold seeping back into the apartment through the cracks in the doors and windows, and you shivered as you grabbed the blanket from before and wrapped it around your body. Bakugou then came back into the living room, letting out a sigh and tossing his phone onto the couch.

“Some idiot driving in this shit-storm hit a pole and took down a transformer. Power won’t be back until the morning.”

Great. Just magnificent. Who the fuck decides to drive in a snowstorm? Letting out a huff, you stood and went to the kitchen to find a lighter before lighting every candle you two had, hoping they would provide enough light for the night. After making sure at least one candle was in every room, you went back to find Bakugou gathering all the blankets he could and raised an eyebrow.

“What? We both know our comforter won’t be enough to warm your shivering ass.”

“But I have you, don’t I? My personal heater,” you said, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet as you smiled.

Bakugou scoffed. “Yeah, can’t wait for you to suck all the heat out of me.”

“Oh piss off. You love my cuddles.”

Before he could give you another snarky remark, you turned on your heel and walked to your bedroom, pulling back the covers and immediately tucking yourself underneath them. But of course, it wasn’t warm enough. When Bakugou walked into the room, you stuck a hand out from under the blanket and made a grabbing motion, and he just chuckled at you before throwing an extra blanket on top of you and climbing underneath the covers to lay next to you. You immediately sought him out, desperate for his warmth as you wrapped yourself around him and nuzzled into his chest, and his arms looped around you as he tangled your legs together.

“Christ, you’re fucking freezing,” he grumbled.

“Shut up and hold me tighter,” you said voice muffled as you spoke into his chest, and he did as you asked, his arms tightening around you as you let out a content sigh. 

Relaxing in the silence, you felt yourself begin to grow more tired with each second that passed, and your boyfriend seemed to relax as well, which was rare for him. You both were perfectly content, dozing off in each other’s embrace.

“... So should I get a mistletoe for the apartment?”

“Dear god, shut the fuck up and go to sleep.”

[beecherdrysdale]

Snow Day - Dylan Holloway

This is the first writing I’m posting on here so please send feedback! I had a snow day yesterday and that’s what inspired this so I projected my self kind of heavily on the character. Also, covid isn’t a thing in this. 

Warnings: tiny bit of language

///

“Dyl, Dyl, wake up,” you say, shaking your boyfriend’s shoulder. 

“What do you want?” he asks groggily. “Aren’t you supposed to be going to swim?”

“I can’t there’s too much snow,” you explain. “I can’t get the car out of the driveway, and the roads aren’t plowed yet. I do not want to drive in 2 feet of snow.” 

“Well go back to sleep then, it’s 6 AM,” he tells you.

“Exactly, it’s 6 AM. I could’ve woken you up at 5 when I decided not to go to the pool, but I didn’t. I gave you an extra hour of sleep. Now get up so we can go shovel!”

“Why would you ever want to shovel?” he asks.

“Cuz it’s fun,” you say. “Besides we’ve barely gotten any snow at Wisco this year, so I want to take advantage of being in Canada.” 

He just stares at you.

“Stop judging me,” you say after a second. “I don’t know what people have against shoveling. I genuinely think it’s fun. Now come on, I’ll make you food before we go outside.”

At that, he’s out of bed in an instant, grabbing a hoodie from his closet and pulling it over his head.

“What are you making? Can I help?” he asks as he follows you down the stairs. 

“Waffles, and no. You remember what happened last time you tried to help,” comes your reply.

He gives you puppy dog eyes.

“Fine,” you sigh. “Go get the waffle mix and cocoa powder,” you add, pushing him toward the pantry while you pull out the other ingredients. 

Shockingly, the two of you are able to make the waffles quickly and without any mishaps. As soon as they are made, you eat yours quickly and start cleaning the dishes as you wait for Dylan. When he’s finally done you put his stuff in the dishwasher and head toward the door. You put on your winter coat, because even you aren’t that stupid to go outside in just a hoodie when the temperature is below zero (Fahrenheit). 

“Hey Dyl, do you happen to have an extra pair of boots?” you ask.

“Um, I don’t know, I can see if I can find my mom’s extra pair,” he offers.

“No, they definitely won’t fit me. If you don’t have an extra pair it’s fine, I guess I’ll just wear my Adidas,” you respond.

“Ohhh haha I thought you meant like an extra pair of women’s,” he says. “Yeah I do have an extra pair of my own. Hold on, let me go get them.” He returns and hands them to you, and when you pull them on they fit surprisingly well due to the thick fuzzy socks you’re wearing. 

Finally, you guys are ready and you pull Dylan out into the snow with you and go grab shovels. You guys start to clear the driveway and by the time you are halfway done Dylan has stopped complaining, realizing that it’s really not that bad. You guys are almost done when you get an idea. When Dylan’s not looking, you reach down and grab a handful of snow, packing it into a firm ball. Then right as Dylan turns you throw it at him as hard as you can. 

He looks you dead in the eye and says, “Oh, it’s on, Y/L/N,” and you take that as your cue to sprint away. You run into the backyard and quickly establish your position up on the deck, where you start making a pile of snowballs. Dylan comes into the back carrying his own pile of snowballs and looking for you, and you take his moment of confusion as an opportunity to pop up from behind the deck railing, which you had been hiding behind, and pelt him with snowballs. 

“That’s six for me and none for you,” you inform him.

“You’re keeping score?” he asks.

“Of course,” is your reply. “It’s a snowball fight. First person to hit the other 50 times wins.”

“Ok, bet,” he says, thinking it will be an easy win for him.

“Bet,” you reply, hitting him once more. “And that makes it 7-0.”

You guys continue your fight, and after a few minutes Dylan realizes the only way he’s gonna hit you is if he joins you on the deck. He comes up and the two of you exchange snowballs before you escape down the stairs and out of his throwing range. He follows behind you, and then it’s just the two of you in the open air, a battle to see who can make and throw their snowballs faster. Dylan manages to pull ahead, but you don’t get to concerned. As soon as he takes a moment to catch his breath, you make a break towards the deck. 

You establish your position up on the deck once again, and you pelt Dylan with snowballs as he tries to approach you, taking the lead back 49-47. Dylan realizes you only need one more to win, so he ducks down and hides, or so you think. What you don’t realize until it’s too late is that he is actually sneaking up the steps. You have no way to escape and no snowballs to throw, so you do the only thing you can think of. You jump off the side of the deck. It’s pretty high up, but you’re not gonna let Dylan hit you, not when you’re this close to victory. You land hard on your ankle, and when Dylan looks over the side of the deck you aren’t getting up. 

“Babe, are you OK?” he asks. When you don’t respond immediately he adds, “Don’t stand up, I’m coming down.” As you hear him heading down the deck stairs you grab a handful of snow and form a snowball, and as soon as he rounds the corner and walks toward you you throw it at him, hitting him square in the chest and winning the fight. 

“Wait you cheated? You faked an injury?” he pouts.

“First of all, no I didn’t cheat, you chose to come down here. And second, I actually did twist my ankle pretty bad. I just chose to use it to my advantage,” you reply.

“Oh shit, are you OK? Do you need me to get ice or something? Carry you inside?” he asks. 

“No, I’m fine. I’ve injured myself way worse before. Help me up though?” you ask, holding your hands up to him. He pulls you up and you go inside together, putting away the shovels on the way like the responsible people you are. 

When you get inside, Dylan’s mom is waiting for you with two mugs of hot chocolate. “Thanks Mrs. Holloway,” you say as you accept a mug from her.

“No, thank you,” she says. “I can never convince Dyl to shovel.”

“Well if you need me you know where to find me,” you respond laughing. You and Dylan finish your hot chocolate and then go to change into dry clothes.

Later that night, you and Dylan are laying on the couch with your head on his chest. “That wasn’t very nice of you to trick me earlier y’know,” Dylan says out of nowhere.

“Come on baby, it was a joke. Besides, I actually was injured,” you respond.

“Exactly, that was the worst part of it,” he explains. “I never want to see you hurt.”

“Aww thanks bub,” you say. “I hope you know I feel the same way.” 

The two of you lapse back into silence and eventually Dylan puts a basketball game on the TV. When his mom walks in half an hour later, she finds the two of you in the same position, you asleep on his chest as he watches basketball and runs his fingers through your hair.

“Hey Dyl,” she starts. “I’m really happy you brought Y/N home for Christmas. She’s good for you. Try to keep her around OK?”

“That’s the plan Mom,” he replies. “I love her too much to fuck it up and lose her.”

[shadowhunterspolycule]

the first major snowfall in ages finally hit nyc recently and all im imaging is the Polycule attaching snowboards and the such to the back of simons van and them just being happy with snow day activities

oof, this ask is from so many months ago, i'm so sorry. i was very busy. i'm also not sure how great my answer will be because i'm a whole ass brazilian so i have no idea what snow day activies are, but i will try anyway

so, major advantages: meliorn has magic and maia is a werewolf and if i'm not mistaken it's said or implied that werewolves have a higher core body temperature than humans. or maybe i made that up, but it's canon for me

major disadvantages: raphael and simon are vampires, which means that technically they are kind of "cold-blooded" creatures? i mean they would still have other important temperature regulating mechanisms such as mitochrondrial heat production and muscle contraction, but they basically don't have a heartbeat/blood flow/arguably blood at all, which is a major way of regulating core temperature, and canonically their skin feels pretty cold, so like. they probably are more suscetible to temperature changes is what i'm saying (i'm mostly going off this source [link] for this. i'm already overthinking this answer good job me)

plus i am once again saying that raphael is from guadalajara which means that like me he is used to Worm Temperchoores, like, WAY warmer than NYC's, and he grew up without pretty much any kind of snow at all. and sure he's lived in NYC for years so he's SOMEWHAT used to the cold but he still spent his formative years in guadalajara, so like. he fucking hates the cold, is my point

but back to major advantages: meliorn and magic! which means they can do something about it. don't ask me what, but i'm sure they can do Something. i mean i'm sure to some extent the downworld has already figured out a solution to this problem cuz while it might not kill them (since they're immortal) it is very uncomfortable and probably makes them slower, which is a disadvantage to say the least. plus raphael has magnus who knows that raphael is a grumpy ass in the cold. also i think java is similarly hot so magnus Gets It, but idk what the temperatures usually are in jakarta

anyway my point is that magnus probably got some coats/vests/blankets spelled for his boy so they can keep him toasty (since they are otherwise kinda useless for vampires since they rely on trapping body heat and vampires don't have any) and vampires in general probably have access to that kinda stuff, but still, rapha gets grumpy and his face is still cold and everything is just awful and he doesn't understand how gringos do it. his complaints fly for about 2 days before the New Yorker Squad™ (particularly simon and maia, who drag clary and inevitably everyone else is there) decides that they've had enough of this and that raphael will learn how to enjoy the snow

he is like "i am not willingly going into the snow! you don't understand, i'm a vampire, i won't get back my body heat the way you do". simon: "i literally am also a vampire". raphael: "you're just a fledgeling, you wouldn't understand" "i've been a vampire for like, ten years!" "seven" "same thing" "it's so not the-" "i have gone through enough winters to be able to understand, and you, sir, are going to learn to enjoy the snow. have you EVER even made a snow angel?" "no" "well this changes today"

he literally has no excuse because meliorn has this super sweet spell that keeps him from losing heat so like. he doesn't even need a coat (he's still wearing it and preferably also a scarf and gloves because he is, first and foremost, dramatic) so he is forced to have a day off and go play in the snow, woe is him

(he tells the clan that should they need anything they should ring him, but they're like "nah simon has promised us pictures of you in the snow, we can handle ourselves" and it's not like raphael is too busy these days, really)

anyway! they have fun. simon strikes me as the winter lover kind of person altho really i think he enjoys all seasons in their own way, but like... hot chocolate and scarves and snow fights, yes? and while i think maia might prefer warmer temperatures she can double enjoy herself in the snow now that she's a werewolf because she gets less cold and like, damn, tell me that being a wolf and jumping headfirst into a pile of snow wouldn't be fun. you can't, unless you're a bad taste bitch

i also think maia is the building snow forts kind of gal because, idk, she just looks that way. and sure she's excited about kicking everyone's asses during snowball fight but FIRST she needs to have a full fort complete with towers and windows for her to throw snowballs from and shit

rapha is the one that helps her build it the most cuz he likes the motions and besides it is a little less energetic than whatever it is that the rest of these wackos are doing. again izzy didn't get any chances to play in the snow either so naturally clary is dragging her around from snow activity to snow activity and running around everywhere and holy shit they have so much energy. simon is there as well naturally and eventually they make it their goal in life to ruin maia's and rapha's fort, which ends up kickstarting the mandatory snowball fight. even tho maia only has a half complete fort

(eventually when everyone has left maia and rapha will come back and finish the fort. it's the principle of the thing. raphael also wants to build an igloo or some shit and maia rolls her eyes but actually i can see him being into building snow things? it's just soothing and nice and quiet and he can pretend there's Elegance and Finesse to it)

and meliorn is just watching them curiously the whole time because of course they know snow but they dont really know about Snow Activities these funky little non-seelies dedicate themselves too. i feel like the seelies have their own snow activities, maybe like, festivals? dances with the snowfall and games to welcome the change in the environment, that sort of thing. but they are nothing like snow angels ("it doesn't look like an angel in the slightest, just like you kept moving your legs and arms in the snow" "thats what it is" "right, so...?") or snowmen ("also doesn't look like a man" "meliorn we aren't exactly artists") or snow fights (altho that one they can appreciate) and they're really interested in like participating even though they dont understand and everyone has to keep telling them that it's Not That Deep and izzy is so amused she just kisses them one billion times

eventually they start doing it just to get more of those laugh-filled kisses of hers

also at least one of them, probably izzy of rapha or meliorn since they are the snow ignorant ones of the group, is absolutely horrible at making snowmen. probably izzy tbh because shadowhunters dont exactly have a knack for these things. like clary's snowman is all artistic and simon's is fun and creative, maia's is pretty, raphael's and meliorn's look like the Platonic Ideal Of A Snowman, and izzy's looks like A Pile Of Dirt. clary giggles at it for an embarrassing amount of time, which inevitably leads to izzy taking the snow from her snowman to throw snowballs at clary and triggering a new snowfight

and then they have some soup inside and cuddle under a blanket as they fight over what they should watch and all is well with the world

[nyanberri]

I've finally finished the first set! It's the same kids again tho, lol. But next time will be never before seen characters! So I wanted to get everyone drawn in the Omniverse style so I could visualize it all properly and it also made for a good opportunity to tweak designs as needed. They're all heavily referenced from official art so I could get it perfect and it made for great practice too! Of course I added some personal touches to the art style too cuz if I didn't it would have bothered me too much, lol.

Anyway, below the cut are finally proper profiles for all the kids and some additional info as well!

M'kay, so before we get started on the kids' bios, it's important to specify this is an alternate universe. And I don't mean it's an AU of the Prime Dimension. This is quite literally another universe within the omniverse. It's a mostly untouched one that even Paradox, Eon, and Maltruant have never been to and therefore a lot of things are different while a lot of things are still the same tho. It's unofficially called the Feniverse cuz Fen is the main character, but it does have a more official name. I'm just, uh… not aware of what that name is yet, lol!

Anyway, the Ben in this dimension branches off from the development of Prime Ben. Anybody remember the fact that the very first Ben 10K episode said Ben became the way he did in the future cuz he killed Vilgax by ripping him to pieces? Yep! That's what this Ben did too! But obviously he doesn't end up exactly like that Ben 10K. But so this dimension's Ben is therefore officially labelled Slayer Ben since some people refer to him as 'The Vilgax Slayer'. And that experience did definitely screw him up pretty bad, which is why he's so different from both Prime and 10K.

So from left to right:

Name: Fenrick Fih Rook-Tennyson

Age: 13

Height: 5'1

Voice: Todd Haberkorn

Bio: Fen is Ben and Rook's son. He has always been known for being quiet, surprisingly wise for his age, and quite the troublemaker. In actuality, only two of these things are true. Fen is more calm than he seems and as a young child he wasn't much of a talker, giving people the perception that he's quiet. Unfortunately, Fen also has many great ideas that end up badly. However, his ideas always come from the desire to help someone or solve a problem, but he always gets caught when his plans fall apart, making it look like he causes trouble. Some people even accuse him of trouble he didn't start, not helping his reputation. And as the son of Ben 10 of all people, he tends to be held to higher expectations. His wisdom never ceases to amaze people either. Even Ben and Rook get surprised at the wisdom he recites, wondering where exactly he learned it all. Due to that, he tends to put up a fight whenever himself or someone else gets wronged. He especially defends his friends and fellow alien kids in town. Although his only true friends seem to consist of his childhood friend, Millie, and his cousin, Sven.

At the age of 13, Fen discovered his ability to transform into a couple dozen of Ben's aliens. He quickly aspired to become a hero like his parents, much to Ben's disapproval, who worries about his safety. Despite that, Fen wants to form a hero trio with Sven and Millie and become the next generation of heroes in the galaxy.

Developer's Notes:

Fen's almost always been the same since I first created him, with just a few design and character tweaks done to him. He used to have a talent for jewelry making but that was switched out for him being wise for his age. He was also a bit more generic as far as the upbeat and reckless young male protagonist with famous parents archetype goes, but he's been adjusted enough that he now stands out from that archetype. Or, at least I hope, lol. Also, funny thing to note, Fenrick is not a real name! The closest name there is is Fenwick and iirc, that's a last name! I considered changing it to Fenwick or even Fenick but Fenrick is too special to me. His, uh, unfortunate name even has an impact in-universe with him being embarrassed by it and some using it to make fun of him. Also in-universe, I chalk it up to Ben having a dumb moment by misremembering the name Fenwick and Rook not knowing any better to catch Ben's mistake. Also, if you think his hair style is stupid, good. That's the point. He wanted it like that when he was seven and Ben and Rook were like 'sure' and it's been like that ever since.

Name: Millicent

Age: 13

Height: 5'0

Voice: Jennifer Paz

Bio: Millie is Ester's daughter. Her biological father is a human who decided he didn't want to be a father and Antonio soon stepped up to fill the father role when he and Ester got married. She has been friends with Fen and Sven since they were all babies. Millie is the level-headed one of the group and has been noted as being oddly emotionless. Her tone of voice is almost always flat and she usually keeps a straight face when not looking nervous. She never intends to be rude, but she will bluntly say whatever comes to her mind to her peers. At the same time, she can be nervous about making bold decisions and hates being a part of any decision making. She either refuses to do anything, or apologizes profusely for making a decision even when nothing bad happens.

Due to being more human than Kraaho, Millie is perfectly capable of handling the temperatures of Bellwood. However, she is still a bit sensitive to cold temperatures and needs to bundle up more than others during the winter. She sadly cannot handle the heat in the Hot Spot for very long either. Much to Millie's dismay, she was not born with the Kraaho's stretching ability. No one can figure out why, but it's simply something she can't do. As a result, she considers herself a normal human and has resigned herself to the fact that 'normal' is simply all she will ever be. Despite this, she has taken up quite a big secret that contradicts her decision and expresses who she wishes she really was.

Developer's Notes:

Millie only ever had one design change with her outfit and slight adjustment to the way her hair works and she's been the same ever since. Since the beginning she was always calm and stoic and I've always worried that she doesn't have much of a presence or purpose, but now I feel like she plays off Fen and Sven well enough that she stands out thanks to them. I've always flipped back and forth between Fen and/or Millie having a crush on each other, but I've finally settled on them both just seeing each other as near and dear loyal friends. It ultimately works out better that way and doesn't cause conflict with Millie's personal story or Fen's real love interest(and the one other character with feelings for him). Her name also used to be Mina, but since I've now taken that as one of my own names, it felt really awkward to keep her as that. I used to have a habit of naming characters with names I wanted before realizing I could change my name in the future, lol.

Name: Sven Elijah Levin

Age: 12

Height: 4'8

Voice: Wally Wingert

Bio: Sven is Gwendolyn and Kevin's son and Jenny's older brother. Sven is a rather unfortunate boy. He is constantly terrified of everything to the point of running millions of 'bad ends' through his head. He can barely talk most of the time without being a stuttering mess and always thinks he's going to be in trouble for anything and everything he does. Everyone is certain he either has severe anxiety or paranoia, or likely both. Perhaps even more. Who knows. Sven tends to cling to his cousin, Fen, who he looks to for guidance and advice, most of which isn't anything Sven should actually be following. Because he is a grade below Fen and Millie, he's often left alone to deal with problems in his own classes, or really just panic about them. He does, however, have a close relationship with Zed and likes to be the one to take her out on walks in the afternoon. And not many people know it, but he's actually a pretty decent artist.

Even though he is an Osmosian thanks to being Kevin's son, no one knows what ability he may have. It doesn't really matter though, since he wants to stay out of any potential trouble that having powers could bring him. Regardless of that, he has an interest in magic thanks to Gwendolyn's expertise in it. He even sneaks peeks at her spellbook and the strange bag she keeps in her office that he can hear a voice coming from at night.

Developer's Notes:

Now Sven is a character whose personality has always been pretty much the same while his design was never consistent until reaching his current one. He was originally very anime looking and in a gaudy orange outfit that I regret even thinking about, lol. He looks much better in neutral colors. I guess there's not much to say on him though, which makes me worry he's a tad unremarkable, but perhaps it's just since I'm leaving out the things about him that are better left discovering on your own… if I ever get to finishing that fic that is… ahaha.

Name: Saki Boulais

Age: 13

Height: 4'11

Voice: Stephanie Sheh

Bio: Julie and Hervé's daughter, one of the more popular girls in school, and the most deceptive in town. Saki has gone her whole life, since the first time she told a successful lie, tricking people into thinking she's a completely innocent little girl who's never done anything wrong. This allows her to get away with anything she wants, and she especially enjoys getting Fen in trouble when they butt heads with each other. The two have even been enemies since they first met at age three and Saki pulled Fen's tail, he pulled her hair in return, and she managed to get away with claiming he started it. Their feud has even turned into murderous intent, which Saki refuses to hide.

On a lighter note, Saki always has the company of her two best friends, Rachel and Diane, who will gladly join her in her tormenting of others. Saki even greatly admires the most popular girl in school, Fiona, and whoever the mysterious new hero girl, Miracle-M, is.

Developer's Notes:

Yes, Saki was always meant to be That Bitch in the cast. I feel like it's unrealistic to have all next gen kids be friends and get along with each other. It's perfectly believable to have some of them dislike, and in Saki and Fen's case, even hate each other. It makes it more interesting with them being Ben and Julie's kids respectively too. Adds good drama, lol. But anyway, really the only thing that's changed about Saki is her hairstyle and some other slight design tweaks like her necklace, shorts, and shoes. I also just recently changed her colors from purple and blue-ish purple to just blue so that isn't not all three girls here wearing purple. She also looks better in blue and it contrasts nicely with Julie's pink imo. I suppose I do worry about her being disliked since she's so antagonistic and with her being Julie's daughter, I really hope her character doesn't send the wrong message since I genuinely love Julie a lot. It really is just For The Drama Of It All. I think it's really fun to watch her go into full 'Murder Fen' mode too. Very fun to write, lol. Oh right, also Boulais is my headcanon last name for Herve. I just wanted her to have his last name but he doesn’t have one! So I had to pick one for myself.

Name: Jennifer Elizabeth Levin

Age: 10

Height: 4'6

Voice: Brina Palencia

Bio: Jenny is Gwendolyn and Kevin's daughter and Sven's younger sister. She is surprisingly serious and stoic for her age. She gets annoyed by her family's constant 'abnormal' status and wishes everyone could just act normal with no weird events happening. She throws herself into school work as a means to keep herself out of it and tries to keep her personal life at school with friends far away from her life involving family. She seems to have a quick temper, but really she just acts that way to get what she wants since she knows it works and in the hopes that she can use it as an opportunity to vent her frustrations. She hates getting involved in her brother and cousin Fen's antics, but sometimes her no nonsense attitude is needed to resolve a situation. She has a strange obsession with eating bread, finding it the perfect food and almost always exclusively eating something with bread involved. Gwendolyn definitely worries about her diet, but Kevin finds it harmless.

She may not have the spark like her mother, but she doesn't dare confess that her status as an Osmosian became very apparent just recently. As a result, she has a stash of broken objects stuffed under her bed and cracked floorboards that she covers with her rug.

Developer's Notes:

Jenny went through a decent redesign. Character wise I feel like I still don't have some things etched in stone for her as I still haven't gotten to the point in my writing where she does anything of interest. She could honestly probably end up pretty different from her bio here if I'm not careful, lol. The characters write themselves as they say after all! But I definitely prefer the newer Jenny compared to the previous way I envisioned her character, which was designed to fit a character type I actually hate just cuz I felt it worked for her. Thankfully I can avoid it tho with the big overhaul I did after returning to these characters. And I do like Jenny cuz I like writing her dialogue, but it still feels like her character is still that of a person I would not wanna be around, lol.

Name: Bevel Tennyson

Age: 20

Height: 5'9

Voice: Dee Bradley Baker/Yuri Lowenthal

Bio: Bevel is the youngest of the Big Chill offspring born twenty years ago. They were in an accident involving a passing spaceship on their way to Kylmyys that damaged their right wing to the point they could no longer fly. It's suspected the wing has severe nerve damage, making Bevel unable to unfold it as well. Their siblings helped them make it the rest of the way to Kylmyys, but over the years, the dangers of Kylmyys left the siblings with only Bevel and the eldest two, Emboss and Curve, remaining. As they got older, Bevel could never forget their only memory of their parent, who the others didn't remember. A desire to reunite with their parent caused Bevel to make the lone decision to explore the universe in search of their parent.

Bevel is a very cheerful and sweet person, but their secluded upbringing and lack of knowledge about Earth makes them very naive. They will believe anything they are told and have a very black and white moral view due to not understanding nuance. They have strange habits that appear unnatural in their attempt to act human and have an intense craving for Earth candy. They have also taken up being a mercenary to get by after leaving Kylmyys and once they join the Tennyson family, Rook suggests they use the skills they've picked up to become a Plumber, but that's an idea Ben isn't fully onboard with.

Developer's Notes:

Right off the bat I want to shout out that his old human design used to keep the Necrofriggian antennae. I still think it's a cute design even tho it wasn't canon compliant with the antennae. The only things that have changed about him too are just that, his hair style, and his shoes. Plus I stuck bunny ears on his hoodie recently as a shout out to those antennae he used to have. Otherwise he's always been the same. And I guess I haven't explained why he has a human form, but that's also an answer to discover later. I didn't draw his Necrofriggian form tho cuz we should all know what the UAF design looks like(and yes I am screwing with art style difference bullshit cuz OV Big Chill is not real and you cannot convince me otherwise). And I also just realized his pronouns aren't matching up in this section so I should add his official pronouns are he/they, but characters refer to him by he/him and narration uses they/them. He is still a Necrofriggian and therefore doesn't do the whole gender thing after all. Which is why he's fine with anyone viewing him as whatever they want to too. He just goes with it. That's also why he doesn't get what's weird about him calling Ben 'Mother' after he learned the word, lol.

[dajaregambler]

HeliosR - Akira Otori Card story “A tasty way of eating hotdogs”

Translation of Akira Otori’s 3* “Happy easter” card story from ‘Helios Rising Heroes’.

Akira: Uuugh~~ my tummy’s rumbling. In times like these only hot dogs will do the trick

Akira: Is that Super Dogs stall open…. oooh, it is♪

Akira: Geezer, gimme a hotdog… no, gimme two!

Stall owner: Oh, if it isn’t Akira. Thanks for dropping by each time

Stall owner: I’ll whip out a hot one for ya in a jiffy. One that you’ll relish for sure! Ah ha ha ha!

Akira: …..Was that a joke?

Akira: Y’know that reminds me how lately you haven’t been able to reel in many customers. I remember days where people were all lined up to get one

Stall owner: It’s all because of the temperature. Not because of my business getting less popular

Stall owner: During the cold season people tend to eat inside, do they not? And I got a store back at the mall that’s doing pretty well, so it’s no different than any other winter

Stall owner: Well, this year winter’s been sure dragging on for a bit… Wish spring would come sooner

Akira: Right… True that there ain’t many people in Million Park itself right now

Akira: The best way to enjoy your hotdog is when laying down in the grass but I don’t see anyone doing it right now

Akira: If Super Dogs went outta business I wouldn’t know what to do, I’ll drop by each day until it gets warmer♪

Stall owner: Hahaha, you’re still a valued customer even if you don’t. I’ll be relying on you too… Here ya go, two hotdogs 

Akira: Thanks ol’ man

Akira: (Sales dropping ‘cuz of the cold, eh… Had no idea.)

Akira: (Though I think that hotdogs oughta be eaten in the winter, ‘cuz they’re so hot and tasty it’ll warm you right up.)

Akira: (Well, they’re damned good in the summer too♪)

Jay: Ah, Akira. What a coincidence to run into you here

Akira: Jay! What’s up, you know you’re in South?

Jay: Haha, I got some time off now. Thought of going to a donut shop here in Red South. Even though it’s still as cold as in the winter, they’ve brought out their seasonal spring flavours 

Jay: …..Actually, Akira. Aren’t you cold?

Akira: Eh? Why?

Jay: You’re not wearing your jacket, and your sleeves are rolled up….

Akira: I’m all good. I can resist any kind of heat or cold♪

Akira: I got a jacket but, pretty much haven’t worn it since the day it got said that it’s time for a change of seasons

Jay: You’re quite a fit young man. Even today I was hesitating about whether I should wear it or not

Akira: It’s already spring though?

Jay: According to the calendar. Easter is coming up slowly too….

Jay: Speaking of it, your sector is entering the Easter League, right? Already decided on what you’ll do for the mock battle and event?

Akira: Brad and Oscar are discussing what the mock battle should be. As for the event we’re gonna be doing an egg hunt

Akira: It’s my first Easter League since I became a hero, so I ain’t gonna lose to you guys!

Jay: Oooh, there’s more than enough motivation in you. We won’t hold back either

Akira: What are you guys gonna do for it?

Jay: We’re still trying to figure it out, or rather the coldness has made it difficult to go through with our original ideas.

Jay: Chinatown and Little Tokyo are both located in Green East, yes? And during spring New Million is a popular tourism destination due how there’s rare flowers to be seen here.

Jay: We’ve thought of a plan taking advantage of it and putting the flowers first to draw attention, but with this cold weather there's a general delay of when they will bloom….. We had no choice but to change it up.

Jay: However, it’s no different for the other sectors. All of our team members are going to cooperate and think of something that’ll liven up the Easter League.

Akira: Just as expected from you♪ Can’t wait for it

Jay: Ah, I’m glad to hear that, Akira

Jay: …..Oh, you’ve already gotten to your second hotdog while we were talking? I’ve been thinking they’re looking pretty good since earlier

Akira: They’re damned good! I can confidently say that stall is like, in my number one hotdog ranking. It’s THE best!

Akira: When it comes to hotdogs, I’m your guy! I know just as much about ‘em as you do with donuts

Jay: Super Dogs, you say… I did hear that it’s pretty good, alright suppose I’ll get one too♪

-

Jay: That savoury fragrance of the sausage grilling… the smell is enough to make me hungry.

Akira: Right? But hear me out, with these hotdogs there’s a way to enjoy them to the fullest. Which is exaclty….. laying down in the grass and digging in ‘em!

Akira: Under the blue sky, with your back against the grass and stuffing your mouth with hotdogs, savouring the taste, that’s the ultimate way of how to enjoy them!

Jay: I see…. Alright, I’ll give it a shot!

Akira & Jay: ……

Jay: I’m enjoying my hotdog but, my back is feeling quite prickly….

Akira: Huuum~ Even the grass makes ya feel like it’s still winter. During spring or summer it’s pretty soft, making it feel just right

Jay: Ahaha, perhaps we were a bit too eager 

Brad: …..What is going on here?

Akira: Gweh, Brad!?

Jay: Oooh, Brad. Akira has been teaching me about the best way to eat hotdogs

Jay: That laying down in the grass like this and eating hotdogs doesn’t beat any other feeling… Don’t you want try it out with us, Brad?

Akira: Hmph, you know he’s one of these guys that eats hotdogs with knife and fork? He wouldn’t even dare to

Brad: ……….

Akira: Wait!? Just wait a second before scolding me!

Akira: We’ve known each other for a bit now… So I kiiiiinda can tell what you’ll be going on about, okay

Akira: Like this ain’t manners to be eating hotdogs like this, and a proper hero should be an example for the people or something, that kind of stuff-

Brad: No, you’re wrong.

Akira: Really now!?

Brad: It’s more out of concern about how you’ll prone to catching a cold due laying down in grass in this cold weather. It was worrying how both of you weren’t showing any movement either thus I reached out.

Brad: Especially for you, Akira. You’re lightly dressed, to the point that looking at you is making me feel cold. It’s fine that your body can resist it, but don’t overestimate yourself.

Akira: Huh, uh huh…

Brad: Either way…. The best way to eat hotdogs, huh? Isn’t it too soon to lay down in the grass?

Jay: Ah, it is. It’s a bit prickly for your back

Jay: Still, I feel as if it did taste better eating while looking at the sky.

Akira: Right? I knew Jay would get it~ Make sure to tell others about my suggestion ‘bout how ya should eat hotdogs

Jay: Mhm, leave it up to me

Brad: ….Hmm. There is a feeling of liberation when eating differently than one usually does, it might even be stimulating towards your sense of taste.  

Brad: Suppose I’ll try it out too once spring comes around, since it’ll be warmer and the grass will have grown too. 

Akira: Eh? EEEEEEH!?

Brad: Why are you surprised? Wasn’t it a “recommendation”?

Akira: I-it is but… No, you laying down in the grass, with hotdogs……?

Jay: Ahaha! Nice one, Brad

Jay: Let’s sit down and enjoy some hotdogs once it’s warmer♪

[dzamie-oc]

Smaugust 14 - Feathered

A dragoness and her deinonychus friend go out for dinner and discuss having feathers. Then they eat some people. (2135 words)

cw: death, gore, hard vore

Sivarel strode into the restaurant and up to the host. The dragoness sat back on her haunches to raise a paw, digits folding to make a "V" symbol. "Table for two, please," she said with a smile.

"Of course, ma'am," the employee replied. He gathered a pair of menus and handed them to a tall, slender server - probably an elf, or elven in ancestry. "Will this be indoor or outdoor seating?"

"Outdoor, please," Sivarel said, "ideally not surrounded by other tables. Cuz, you know, wings." She self-consciously brought the feather-covered limbs closer to her body.

The host nodded and made a mark on the seating plan, then gave the server a quiet instruction. "Absolutely," the server said with a professional smile, "this way, please, follow me."

The dragoness dropped back to all fours to pad smoothly along behind the elf, through a pair of glass doors, and onto the stone-tiled ground outside. They wove easily around some groups eating and conversing, before the server stopped and gestured to the table. Sivarel thanked them, then nudged one of the chairs aside to sit on the ground, shifting her weight back to sit up and get her front paws off the ground.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

The dragoness shook her head. "Just water, thanks." After the server left, Sivarel turned away from anything and anyone flammable, held her paws together, and breathed a quick jet of flame across them for quick and rough sterilization. She was far too proud of her draconic form to transform herself just for a simple dinner. After opening the menu in front of her, she slowly extended one wing along her side and began idly fussing with her primaries and secondaries, brushing them into place with small, careful claw movements. When the server appeared with two glasses of water, she refolded her wing.

"Are we ready to order, ma'am?"

Sivarel hummed, thinking for a few seconds. "Still going back and forth between a couple of things. In the meantime, could I start with the chicken strip appetizer?"

"Of course, I'll get that right out to you." The elf made a quick note in their order pad, then walked back away, leaving the dragon to her water. Then, in the corner of her eye, she recognized a certain someone.

"Hey, Siv!" said a deinonychus with a dark red stripe down her back plumage, waving at the dragon.

"Hello, Cerise. I haven't ordered yet, but there's chicken strips coming." She gestured with her head in a path through the door and the restaurant.

"Cool!" The dinosaur tensed and sprang up, easily clearing the fence to land next to her friend. She climbed into the chair opposite Sivarel and opened up her menu. "Ooh, that's a big steak," she commented.

"Did you really just jump up? I can't take you anywhere," Sivarel said with a smile. "I'm thinking of getting the half-chicken. I grabbed a small something on the way here."

"Something, or someONE?" Cerise asked with a mischievous grin.

Sivarel stared at her. "We're in a restaurant."

"Yeah, but you're still a dragon, and I'm still a raptor." Sivarel opened her mouth to reply, but Cerise held up a claw. "No 'veloci-' there, I'm right. Anyway, people are gonna eavesdrop cuz that's what people do. Might as well have some fun at their expense." She flipped through the menu a couple times, glancing at the items. "Split a full chicken?"

"Sure. And yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to play along." The dragoness folded her menu and stacked it on top of Cerise's.

A few moments later, the server returned with a plate of chicken strips. The elf took the order from Sivarel while Cerise took a few strips to her plate to begin eating.

The duo engaged in some small talk for a while, catching up on each other's days, before the chicken arrived. They each took part of the bird, a very brief break in their conversation.

"Oh, I forgot to mention," the deinonychus said after gulping down a bit of chicken, "I went and saw Jurassic Park again the other day."

"Really? Why? I thought you hated its popularization of naked dinos." The dragon smirked and leaned in slightly. "Or did you go to see the naked dinos, you naughty murderbird?"

Cerise glanced away. "Aren't we in a restaurant or something?" After another second of being smugged at by her friend, she rolled her eyes. "But no, I'm guessing they wanted to make dosh on concessions, so they offered ninety - yes, NINETY - percent off to dinosaurs. Got plenty of feathery butts in seats, I'll say that much." She tilted her head. "Or, at least, plenty of seats filled with feathery butts. I think the t-rex ended up taking, like, half a dozen or so, between her rear and her tail. Polite enough to sit in the back so us smaller folk could actually see every inch of Jeff Goldblum..."

"Well, eye candy aside, how was it? Quiet theater, or did you get one of the fun ones?"

"Oh, nobody there took the movie seriously. If there was a dino whose species appeared on screen, there were 'constructive comments' about the scene thrown about." Cerise grinned, silently recalling some choice arguments between the velociraptors and the utahraptors. "Plus, one of the non-dragons sitting near the rex kept talking about the differences between book and movie, which was at least more interesting than wondering if Rexy in the movie was going to eat the obvious protagonists. Dunno if it was the catfolk or the... dolphin next to her, though."

Sivarel swallowed the last bit of meat on her half of the chicken. "...dolphin?" she asked skeptically. "Oh, by the way, let me know when you're done. I crave meat."

"It was a dark theater, okay? Vaguely dolphin-shaped blob. Only got the catfolk cuz they meowed." She took a quick break to wolf down some more chicken, and Sivarel mimed asking for the check to the server, then the small dinosaur continued, "anyway, all of this was supposed to be a lead-up to: you've got feathers, I've got feathers."

The friends shared a quick smile and said together, "mine are prettier," and laughed.

"Anyway, again. We have feathers, but not, like, a ton. If you had to choose between being naked, and being as fluffy as an owl, which would you pick?"

"Easy," the dragoness replied, crunching on a bone, "I have a minimum comfort temperature, and no maximum. I will be the fluffiest dragon you ever did see, and I will be comfy forever." The server set down the bill, and Sivarel quickly placed enough coins to cover the cost and a decent tip before pushing it back towards the elf. "Keep the change. Anyway, Cerise, let's hear your answer. Big feathers or no feathers?"

"Joke's on you, I came prepared. No feathers, but I would have to hang out with my dragon friend a lot during winter." The deinonychus did her best sad-puppy impression. "Surely my bestest dragoness friend Sivarel wouldn't leave me to become a raptorsicle?"

Their conversation briefly halted as they wound their way back through the restaurant and said a polite goodbye to the employee at the front. "Anyway," Sivarel continued, putting on a silly voice, "Missus Owldragon, how many licks does it take to get to the deinonychus-filled center of a Cerise-pop?" She draped a wing over her friend as they passed a small grove, and pulled her in. "Let's find out. A-"

Suddenly, an empty two-liter bottle bounced off the dragon's head with an audible "donk!" She whirled and glared at where it came from. "Really?!" she shouted, only to hear a guy cheer and call, "ten points!"

The dragoness took a deep breath. "Cerise, my wonderful murderbird friend?"

The deinonychus swished her tail slowly, building excitement boiling off in the form of energy. "Yes, Sivarel, my sister in feather and scale?"

Sivarel bared her fangs - for it could not really be called "grinning." "I'm feeling a bit peckish. Shall we see about a second course?"

Cerise followed suit, crouching in preparation. "Why, I thought you'd never ask."

Cerise darted swiftly between the trees, darting back and forth like she was running the slalom at a dog show. Sivarel, in contrast, sprang up, soaring over the tops of the trees with a few powerful beats of her wings. She watched with keen eyes as the smaller dinosaur wove through the trees, screeching a challenge. The humanoids, not nearly as nimble as the deinonychus swaying her tail with each turn, quickly made for a clearing in the trees. Unfortunately for them, clearings were exactly what Sivarel loved to see.

She folded her wings and dropped like a stone, landing with a heavy THUD right in front of them. The first - a human - she caught his head in her mouth, sending him into a blind panic as a quick kick with a foreleg sent the other - a tiger catfolk - right into Cerise's path. Between the difficulty of subduing a struggling meal shortly after eating, and the need to avoid attracting too much attention with screams, the dragoness quickly made up her mind. She clamped down firmly on the man's head and jerked her own head quickly to the side. There was a snap, and the human hung limp in her jaws. Meanwhile, her dinosaur friend had come to a similar conclusion, and had leapt up to cling to the tiger's head, rapidly kicking to tear out the woman's throat. The catfolk, however, had better reflexes than her human counterpart, and successfully threw the little dinosaur off... before falling back, herself, rapidly suffocating and bleeding out.

Cerise wiped her claws on the feline's fur, then looked up at the dragoness. "I'm gonna go scuff up some tracks. Back in a few." And like that, she trotted back into the woods, pausing occasionally to kick around the grass, dirt, and leaves.

Sivarel flicked her head back, then jerked forward, catching the man's shoulders in her jaws. Another toss and a swallow, and she'd gotten him almost halfway in. She swallowed again and tipped her head back, leaving her mouth open as she shifted and jerked her head and neck, welcoming her second course into her stomach. One or two more swallows to make sure, and then she laid down to digest her meal and wait for her friend.

A couple minutes later, the deinonychus made a reappearance, trotted over to the feline body, now thoroughly dead, and began to tear it open. "Our next trick, of course," she said between bites, "is to get back home without attention."

"Even from volunteers?" Sivarel asked with a smile.

"Especially from volunteers," Cerise answered. "They're the absolute worst for me. You can gulp 'em down nice and easy, but they seem to think I can, too." Rip, tear, snap snap gulp. "No matter how many times I tell them, they're all super surprised when I slash open their guts and start snacking on their intestines. Ooh, speaking of which..." The dinosaur made a quick cut, then began to slurp down the organ like a bloody noodle.

The dragoness's stomach gurgled and growled as it compressed and moved the meat within. "Expecting you to start at the neck, maybe? Or do they just think that you'll be able to swallow them whole anyway? What would you even look like?"

Cerise dipped her head into the torn-open tiger woman, and reemerged a few seconds later with blood on her feathers. "No, I offer the neck and they always refuse. And, I dunno, I think my belly would drag on the ground. Uh, no pun intended."

"Behold the fast and agile deinonychus," Sivarel remarked with a snicker. "Anyway, when we're ready to head out, I'll lick you clean. Anyone asks, you spilled something sweet on you and I couldn't resist."

The dinosaur nodded, then went back to her eating. After a bit, she pulled back and walked over to her friend. "Along the feathers, if you could. It's harder for me to fix mine than you yours."

Sivarel nodded back, then set about carefully licking her, drawing the blood away from the coarse feathers and into her mouth. Once she had a soaked, but mostly clean, dinosaur in front of her, she smiled and leapt into the air. "See you back outside the trees!"

The dragoness soon landed back on the sidewalk, and started preening her wings again while waiting for her friend. A couple people stopped to watch; she stared back until they went away. After a minute or so, Cerise stepped out from the grove. With a wordless nod, they turned and began to make their way back to their homes, more full than they had at first intended to be.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep10 pt2: Yugi’s Never Ceasing Commute Continues

Last we left off, it was time to eat. Thank you. Thank you, Yugioh. You get me.

Not one of their better spreads, TBH.

No cheese wheels, too. They are truly living in hard times.

(read more under the cut)

Rex and Weevil decided to look for rare cards in the rubble of Arthur Hawkin’s house.

I don’t know why they bothered with this, everything was very clearly exploded and on fire, but youknow, these two just seem to be very hellbent on being bad at life. Just two jokes that are here just to be jokes, wearing these duel disks that they’re not going to use until it’s finally time for them to betray us. Checkov’s jokes.

And I hate to say this but they really are this season’s Bakura.

I know I just said that.

But this show really likes having at least one character that might turn at any moment and stab our protagonist in the back. They like to have at least one at all times there, hovering over Yugi’s oblivious shoulders, with that figurative knife (or literal, in the case of that time when Bakura stabbed himself without nearly any provocation).

In the past, when Bakura was out to lunch, we would have betraying friends like Kaiba, who would go solo in the middle of his own card game and end up throwing everyone in danger, and also Tristan who got full on possessed by the Big 5 and tried to murder everyone, but I guess after 4 seasons they were like “Youknow...I think Kaiba got over it.” and like...you can’t have Rebecca stab us in the back so lets bring Rex and Weevil.

At least their showtime is minimal, because unlike Bakura, who is pretty likeable even when he’s being an asshole, Rex and Weevil never turn off the asshole and are mostly just visual gags stumbling over eachother. Bakura was quite clever and had a bit of depth and mystery, while I don’t think Rex and Weevil are smart enough to even know how to spell mystery.

And if Rex and Weevil end up being good guys and the saviors of the whole show then my sincere apologies, but they are still kind of grating.

Now Rebecca gets a duel monster’s card that has a death threat on it, which is probably the normal way to sign your duel monsters cards in this universe. I imagine every card in Yugi’s deck has a couple death threats on each of them by now. Probably makes them more lucky.

Ya so...

I can forgive this. The people who made this looked at a map of California, forgot that California is roughly the same size as Japan, and were like “I mean, there’s like 50 states, it can’t be that big.”

But here’s the thing about Death Valley. I am a Californian, but I have never been there. This is why.

Death Valley is ASS to get to. Barely anyone lives there. Nothing goes there. You can’t just take a train, you have to drive there by going south past it and then turning around. It’s real round about and just in the middle of nowhere. May as well get there by flying into Las Vegas, and if you are flying into Las Vegas, chances are slim that you will leave that Vacation Town USA to vacation in a literal desert.

Clearly they saw the name “Death Valley” and got super excited but y’all...there’s a reason why we call it that, and everyone who knows about geography or is a Californian is kind of like “um...is Yugi...going to Death Valley???? That city slicker?”

Cuz this is not a normal desert. Normally, a human can survive 3 days without water, in Death Valley you apparently can only survive for 14 hours. It is the lowest point in the US and also the hottest point in the US and the place where the highest temperature was ever recorded on the Earth. And while that heat is only for 5 months of the year...it’s not winter in the show, is it? It’s fairly warm. San Fransisco wasn’t even foggy?

Like even the Death Valley website is like “please don’t leave the main roads and hike during the hot months” because y’all, this park is damn serious. Like this is one of the only National Parks that has not just one, but multiple ghost towns in it.

Don’t get me wrong, Death Valley’s very pretty and very fun I’ve heard, and it has like a very fancy dayspa in it, and if you like geography and like to rough it, then you will absolutely love how freakin weird Death Valley is. So, if you’re safe and know how to pack your gear, you’ll have no problem, but...Y’all, Yugi Muto, who barely survived Pegasus’ island (and only because Mai fed him) is going to just casually go into Death Valley.

In that outfit.

Then, in some barn somewhere (I have NO IDEA where this exchange takes place) Rafael is grilling Arthur only to realize that this is a very pointless conversation.

And in case you forgot Darts exist, he’s still out there, murdering people off for kicks. we’ll just add 20 more to the death count, the internet told me that’s the average amount of people on a fish boat of average size (although sometimes this boat seemed like the size of a shipping container barge but youknow...)

And in case you missed it, I have been doing the death counter wrong so I was 2 people behind--it’s correct now. With the rate this show goes I feel like we might see death 666 eventually. But, yes we did pass 269 so we’ll have to wait another 100, I guess, because it went to some rando on this boat. Nice.

(The highest surface temperature of Death Valley ((not the air, but the ground)) ever recorded, was 201° F.)

(That’s 94° C for those in the back.)

I mean Yugi is part Pharaoh so I guess he just has a strong attraction to really terrible deserts. He’s also half a dead guy so maybe he also just has a strong attraction to being dead.

But I dunno, maybe this is the months of the year where Death Valley is manageable? Maybe? Possibly? We’ll just assume that it is.

Now you can go horseback riding in Death Valley, as you can in any National Park, but it isn’t real normal to ride your horse all the way from San Fransisco. And like you can’t even let your dog off a leash in Death Valley. This is such a bad park for pets!

Also, I found out some fun facts about horse travel, for anyone interested in writing fantasy and wants to know the average speed of a horse.

So a horse can go about 100 miles in a day, but only for one day. If you do 250 miles, the time has to be more spread out since you must recharge your horse. According to some horse-specialist on the internet who does horse marathons from coast to coast, if you have to do 500 miles, then you average about 24 miles a day, accounting for horse-recovery time and assuming it’s a horse that wasn’t bred for super long distances. (this is about a 500 mi horse ride, ps)

The pony express of old, the iconic Wells Fargo, would actually have horse stations along the prairie, where you would trade in your tired horse for a new horse, so that way you would never have to stop going 100 miles in a day. Since Yugi never changed his horse, this ride would have been absolutely ridiculous, and Copernicus the horse, would have stopped somewhere in Gilroy.

But this is a kid’s show so wtv, we’re gonna ignore that.

(reminder that Yugi decided not to unhitch the perfectly serviceable truck and drive away with air conditioning.)

And Yugi really did make Rebecca promise not to tell these much older teens that he took off (something about how he doesn’t want to put more people in danger yada yada, normal Yugi stuff), but the show kind of blames this on Rebecca...but like...she’s 12. This one is on Yugi.

But, if Rebecca were older, maybe she would have done the same thing. Rebecca seems like maybe the type that realizes that when you like an idiot boy, you gotta let them do idiot things, and make idiot mistakes. You can’t just control what your friends do all the time, unlike this crew, which is controlling because that is the only way they keep eachother alive.

So Joey decides to ignore both of the cars right next to him, and just book it to save his stupid ass friend. On foot. To Death Valley. From what the show insisted was just outside San Fransisco.

And I guess that Rafael decided to just let Hawkins go?

Probably because Yugi got on a horse and Rafael was like “of course I know Yugi is chasing me on horseback off the main roads. Of course I know that.” and then he just...let Hawkins walk all the way back...

Hawkins should be dead, but not yet.

So lets check out Death Valley.

So like...again I just think they probably boarded everything and had a rough idea of “America has a bunch of natural canyons, right?” and didn’t realize that the Grand Canyon was soooo far from California.

There are actually canyons in Death Valley but like...I dunno if the art matches that so much? They aren’t nearly as massive as the canyon situation farther East.

Again this was their art choice that they made and it’s...a choice. And they committed to it.

And this bike thing happened?

This tandem bicycle for children lost among the wreckage of Rebecca Hawkin’s home is like a whole “baby shoes, never worn” short story in itself. Rebecca has nooo siblings or parents, right? She has a really old grandpa who is like 80 and doesn’t bike? Just uh...bringing that up...was this tandem bike for her to hang out with Yugi? Does Rebecca even have friends her own age? She already graduated college.

So much inferred by the bike that I know is just here because it’s a funny joke to see Rex and Weevil on a stupid tandem bike.

So I’ve heard about the bike/car/horse paradox before in regards to this season, (it’s one of the few things I knew about this season before going in) so I’m happy to see I’ve recapped enough Yugioh to see it play out.

The paradox being, if Yugi is on horseback, and Rex and Weevil are on a bike, and the rest are in a car, who arrives first?

Apparently the show itself isn’t even sure because Rex and Weevil can keep up with a horse???

Anyway, the correct answer to the paradox is that everyone not in a car is dead for not bringing any water.

Everyone except for Raphael, who probably put a camel pack into each of his shoulder pads.

OH NOW IT’S AN ANIME.

I don’t get why this is happening. But it’s a thing now. Rafael has either literal or metaphoric wings. Bear in mind I thought Pharaoh was Metaphoric for like 14 episodes. These Icarus wings might just be real. Rafael might have been a card this entire time, and I wouldn’t even blink.

Anyway, if this is your first post of mine you’ve seen of this, my apologies, we’re in S4 and this is very confusing. You can read from S1 ep 1 in chrono order by clicking this very handy link here!

[chyrstis]

I won’t ask for much (but just this once, I’d like you) 8/10

Only two more to go, and let me just say that it’s mildly amusing to me to be posting a winter fic when springtime’s in full bloom.

Pairing: Sharky Boshaw x John Seed Rating: E (but only for Ch. 10, the rest are a solid T) Word Count: 4K  

Link to AO3!

Ch. 1 / Ch. 2 / Ch. 3 / Ch. 4 / Ch. 5 / Ch. 6 / Ch. 7 / Ch. 8 / Ch. 9 / Ch. 10

—

Sharky steals a boat. It just happens to be John’s boat, and when it’s damaged along with his boathouse, John proceeds to lay out a means of having Sharky pay him back. [No Cult AU]

———–

Fall ended, and with the beginning of winter the first hint of snow rolled in. One to two inches of it blew in to start, blanketing everything in a fine layer of white as the temperatures dropped.

Nothing that would bury his place outright, but that still didn’t stop Sharky from giving half of it a good ol’ scorch with his flamethrower. He had a yearly thing going, adjusting it each time just to get the right stream of flame flowing, so he wouldn’t burn much under the snow. But thankfully, this wasn’t one where he was on the verge of getting caught for it.

Not yet at least, as he took the jet of fire and gave it another sweep across where the snow was coating the road. He’d get at least two to three more passes before hitting the pavement, and needed to be sure to stop it at any sign of the fire spreading.

Now was not the time to get cozy up at the jail either, no matter how well they decked the halls over there.

Hurk let him know early on that he was set to do their usual thing this time of year. He’d pull up a chair with him as they had their annual holiday bonfire, before heading out to Aunt Addie’s. Those were the best times, and the ones where he really had all he could’ve ever wanted.

Sometimes there were odd years. The ones where Hurk was gone after all, being one hell of a kick ass super spy, and Sharky found it harder to get in on the holiday fun with his aunt. Felt a little too much like an outsider, and thought his time was better spent down at the Eagle drinking himself stupid before trying and failing to write a dirty phrase into the snow.

This year was set up to be one of the good ones, though. He had Hurk, they had their usual plans set up, and tonight they’d even decided to get in a little pre-holiday drink-a-thon. He’d supply the venue and grab half of the alcohol, while Hurk would cover the rest. Snag them more booze, maybe even a few movies, and he’d try to see how fast he could beat him at his own self-declared shot-taking record.

But first, he needed the beer. Smokes too, since he’d gone through most of his current pack, and snapped up what he could down at the general store.

They only had one six pack of the beers he and Hurk liked, though, and when he went fishing for cash he wasn’t able to cover for another, so he cut his losses. He paid for the beer plus one pack of cigs, and knew Hurk would have his back on the rest.

Not breaking his usual habit, he took one of the beers and popped the cap as soon as he was out the door. Hit by the cold, he shivered but shrugged it off as he tilted the beer back. It wasn’t far to his car, so he could double-time it there before anyone could say two words about it.

“Strange.”

He paused, and nearly coughed the drink up. John was standing not even three feet away, dressed in a long dark coat. A blue scarf was wrapped around his neck, and between harsh coughs Sharky might’ve been able to pick out the light smile he wore. Almost friendly.

The air escaped John in a puff as he chuckled. “You would think something warm would be better for this weather.”

“It…uh, that’s what the whiskey at home’s for,” Sharky rasped, “or fireball. Usually a winner.”

“Ah.”

John raised a gloved hand to hold his coat closed, clearly cold, but he didn’t drop his eyes or move on. Just held the look he was set on aiming at him, and Sharky knew his mouth was in danger of running off on him.

Once he could get it going again, that is. Funny how John had a way of doing that to him.

“You, er, need anything from here? You never-“ I never see you down here. “Didn’t think there was a thing you’d ever run out of.”

“Yes, I… There were a few things I did find I needed.” The smile faded. “Matches.”

“Oh. Yeah, you might need some of those.” He took another drink of the beer, hoping it would cover the way his mouth was twisting. And didn’t like one bit the way his lighter suddenly burned a hole in his pocket. “For heat?”

“Heat, mostly.” John shrugged, and tried another smile. “Haven’t decided to take a page out of your book just yet. But it’s tempting.”

His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. Pressed against the back of his teeth as he felt his grip on the beer tighten. “So, uh…”

“It’s good to see you.”

“Good luck with that.”

He’d blurted it out just as John spoke, not expecting anything along those lines.

Something flashed in John’s eyes. It was hard to tell out here in the dark at first, but those blue eyes of his managed to catch the light. What little there was brought them out, and he didn’t know what to do with the hurt he’d let him see.

“Fuck, I uh-this isn’t, look I-“

“You’re busy.” Smoothing out the front of his coat, John looked down as he did so, studying his leather gloves closely. “Clearly I’ve interrupted something, and you need to get back to it.”

Chug-a-lugging a beer out in public wasn’t something. Lighting another cigarette only to stub it out before finishing it in the ashtray of his car wasn’t something. Missing him wasn’t-

Sharky swallowed down the lump in his throat. “Think you’re right about that.”

This was his cue to leave. He had been out here long enough, stared over at him long enough, and he didn’t trust at all his ability to hide any of it at this point.

Still, he let himself look at John again, just for a moment longer, because what was one more second? He’d dug the hole deep enough to start. He’d keep on going until he had a whole damn trench.

“See you around, man,” he threw out over his shoulder as he turned to leave. “Oh, and happy holidays and all that shit.”

The snow crunched under his feet as he trudged over to his car, ready to throw the door open and hop in fast. But this time around John didn’t call out to him. He put the last of the beer down from behind the driver’s seat, waiting for it, listening, only for his phone to give him a notification instead.

Slipping it out, he opened up the message waiting for him.

Happy holidays. Take care.

“Holy shit, Sharky. Thought they were out of this. Though, looks like they would’ve been if you’d put any more of a dent into it.”

Hurk snagged one of the beers on the table – one of three remaining, which wasn’t all that bad – and got to work on it quicker than he had. Then took the other next to it right after.

Stifling a laugh, Sharky flicked a loose bottlecap at him from the couch. “You trying to say something? After I head on down there and nearly freeze my ass off hunting for that shit?”

“Whoa, no. ‘Cause that’s just hella rude turning my nose up at any free alcohol being offered, but this ain’t enough for two. Hell, it’s barely enough for one.”

And with their shindig consisting of one beer, the remains of another six-pack in his fridge, plus the line of spirits they’d taken a crack at already, it was looking a little on the sad side. Hurk hadn’t even been able to snag a keg, not this time around. All after showing up to Sharky’s house, emptying his pockets for spare change for a potential second booze run, and didn’t even have a movie or three to share.

“And not a single call back,” Hurk sighed, “I’m hurting, cuz. Thought we’d be able to cozy up to some fine-ass ladies tonight, but no takers.”

“Eh, it happens.”

Disappointing as it was, he was hard-pressed to care. At least until Hurk threw a handful of bottle caps back at him, and he dove to the other end of the couch to dodge them.

“Well, you’re in a funk still. Don’t think I’m not noticing that, or done worrying about it either!”

“Look, it’s late. We’re short on shit. Any lady walking in through that door would walk back out again after seeing how lame of a situation we’ve got going here. And that’s not even covering the porn mag left on the table.”

“Hey, I marked a spot. Thought you’d appreciate it since you’re blue, and needed a little something to make you smile.” Hurk walked over to it and held the magazine up, thumbing through a few pages before turning it around to show it to him. “Come on, you love this chick.”

“Yeah, I know.” He sat back down, and folded an arm under his head. Gave what Hurk was holding a passing glance, before leaning back. “It’s nothing. Just some of that seasonal shit.”

“Well, I think I know how to get this party going again. We exit stage left, head on down to see Miss Mary May, and work our way up from there, eh?”

Sharky grunted in response, and Hurk groaned in exasperation.

“Duderino, you’re killing me here. I’ve gotta find a way to get you back to bouncing off the walls, or we’re both done. Like, the party’s dead, but we’ve gotta keep on going. Work our way back on up, so we can rise from this. Majestic and-”

The magazine was tossed down, and Sharky heard a gasp.

“Oh, shit. That’s pretty fucking sharp there, cuz.”

“Hmm? What is?”

“These sunglasses. Where’d the hell you manage to get them?”

Sharky shot up in his seat.

In the middle of shooting off a set of finger guns, Hurk had slipped the pair he’d found on, pausing only to push them further up the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, this is pretty damn cool. Don’t know about all the blue, though, you think these little guys come in red, white, and blue instead?”

Sharky scrambled up and off of the couch, and wrangled them away from Hurk. “Careful with that shit, okay? You’ll fucking break them if you bend them the wrong way.”

“Whoa, whoa there, man! Easy, easy!” Hurk held up his hands, and gave Sharky a wary look as he examined the pair. “It’s a set of sunglasses, bud. No big deal, not that I was gonna actually break ‘em.”

“They’re five-hundred bucks, man.”

Hurk changed his tune immediately, “Well, fuck a duck. And you’re holding onto them? Who the hell do you know willing to spend bookoo bucks on a set of glasses?”

It didn’t take long for him to narrow that down either, and Sharky’s grimace in response only sent the unspoken point home.

“Wait. Are those John’s?”

Sharky adjusted his hold on the sunglasses, almost cradling them in his hands. “He dropped them. We were working one day, he had to run off to do something with his bro, and I…grabbed them. Wasn’t thinking much at the time, like I know he could’ve come back to grab them later, but I thought they’d get smashed out there. Figured I’d have a chance to give ‘em back, except later never really came, and I, uh. Held onto them.”

“Well, it’s his fault for doing you dirty like that. Cutting you out of the whole deal after trapping you in it to begin with? Stealing and keeping his shit seems like fair game to me.”

Glancing down at them, Sharky sighed. “Nah, not really. Not like you think it would.”

Hurk got quiet, saying nothing as he went and gently placed the sunglasses back down on the dining room table. The low whistle Sharky got after that though, had him trying to force himself not to bolt.

“Fuck me running, dude. You weren’t kidding before, were you?”

“Kidding ‘bout what?” Sharky replied, feeling sheepish. “The whole him not being a douche thing, or the part where I kind of liked him?”

“Man, both. Definitely both.”

“Oh. Well, it-it’s fucking bad.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, Sharky swiped his cap off to run a hand through his hair. “It’s a whole lot of bullshit, ‘cause I was busting my ass out there. Wanted to get it all over and done with so we could go back to acting like nothing had happened. Then I didn’t mind it as much. Kinda thought we were friends or heading towards it, and…I might’ve blown that too.”

Dropping his arm, he sniffed, and tried to look anywhere but Hurk’s way.

“’Cause you don’t wanna kiss your friends or try to. Muddies things a whole hell of a lot, and it’s…it didn’t work out. And I don’t know why, but I still wanna see him. Know how he’s doing even if he doesn’t give two shits about me, and when I had that chance today grabbing that,” he said pointing over towards the beer, “I blew it again.”

“Well, what about you? Takes two loving and willing adults to do the ol’ sideways shuff-” Hurk paused, scrunching up his face as he considered it. “Wait, that’s a bad way of saying it, ‘cause we’re not talking fucking, we’re talking feelings. Which usually leads to fucking, but the point still stands, though. You gotta have a say in some of this here. Especially if you like this guy – and fucking John, man, but I ain’t judging. Much.”

Hurk’s hands went up again as Sharky gave as much of a glare as he could muster. But even that fizzled out completely as his eyes dropped straight to his feet.

“You gotta have something to say something, right?”

It was bitter on his tongue, and he tried to choke it back. Found himself thinking of the smile John gave him earlier. How he’d looked at him, warm enough to root him to the very spot.

“Something solid. Something to go off of instead of just guessing, and I’ve done enough of that, man. Burned that bridge and boat – though some of that shit came pre-burned, if we really wanna get into it. Like I think there’s still bits and pieces at the bottom of the river that we’d be able to dig up. Big enough chunks to drag up and float on Titantic-style, and…yeah. That’s just how this kinda thing goes.”

When Hurk walked over and gave him a hug, he didn’t pull back. Sniffed a little more as he tried to get it together, because like hell was he going to start blubbering over this. He’d managed to avoid it so far, but this would be the stick needed to break that damn camel’s back.

“Hey, it’s okay," Hurk said, hugging him tighter. "Sorry for giving you shit over something you can’t really control, and shit for any of this at all. I want you to be happy, and if he makes you happy? You lock that down, and dial it in tight. But if he’s being weird about it? He’s the one missing out. Him, not you. You’re the coolest guy around. Like the one you go to whenever you need to get down and party hard, and if that ain’t the kind of party we’re having? You’ll still find a way to knock all our fucking socks off with some crazy shit. ‘Cause that’s you, cuz.”

“Just me?”

“Yeah, just you, being the best, badass baby cousin a guy could ever ask for.”

After a few pats on the back, Sharky let out a sigh. Felt some of the weight start to lift after letting that out into the open, and felt a little better too. Not completely, not even by a long shot, but he’d work his way there.

“You know what’ll help? Not all of it, but at least for now?” Hurk asked.

“A round of shots?”

“Round of the best alcohol we can handle, and tonight I’ve got us covered. We’ll do that for a while, then finish off the night watching ol’ Vinny being a total badass.”

Thinking it over, Sharky felt a smile start to creep in. “Maybe throw in some other shit too. Like, maybe one round of the holiday fireplace or something? The crackling’s nice.”

“Anything you like, bud. Anything you like.”

Nights at the Spread Eagle during winter weren’t much different than during the rest of the year. Sure, there was a draft, but the place was just as busy as any other. The drinks flowed, the regulars had their winter gear on, and everyone was set on having a good a time as possible.

Hurk made good on his promise shortly after they got there, toasting him before the two got cracking on their first round of shots. He didn’t want to get blasted, but the warmth that set in was welcome, and with every story that Hurk dove into he found it that much easier to let loose and laugh.

Heading up for the next round, Sharky kept his beer close as he hit the counter up front, passed their order on to the always lovely Mary May, and set in for a short wait. Resting both arms on the counter he took a look around, and noticed there was no line at the jukebox. With quarters rustling around in his pocket, he had change to spare.

“Waiting on something?”

Shifting, Sharky tried to make space for the person next to him. “Shit, sorry, let me just-“

Then felt the rest of the response die in his mouth as he glanced up at Jacob. Dude was still as tall and imposing as he remembered, but wasn’t eyeing him with the intent to kill. Or anything other than what he guessed was friendly for him.

“Yo, how’s it…how’s it going?”

“It’s going.” Jacob took the spot next to him by the bar, settling in, and Sharky tapped his fingers on the counter a little faster. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“No shit.”

“You two aren’t talking much anymore?”

Nothing came through in his tone. Not anger or irritation, and while Sharky was still waiting for him to throw him a beating, Jake wasn’t gunning for it.

“I, uh, don’t think that’s the way I’d put it. ‘Cause if you know two things about it, and I know you guys are all close and shit, it’s…not great,” Sharky said, going straight for his beer.

“Yeah. You used to be all he ever talked about.”

That made him spit his next drink out. Getting one hell of a dirty look from Mary May, he grabbed as many napkins as he could to sop it up, wiping the counter down, and felt his face burn the entire time.

“Dude, what the fuck?”

Jacob simply kept on tending to his own beer. Drained it completely as he stood there next to him, and sighed when done.

“Heard about you enough to wonder if he’d ever shut up about you. Charlemagne this, Boshaw that. Had a new story every week, if not every night we’d stop by. Like with that skunk. Got real unlucky with that.”

Groaning, Sharky set his face in his hands, “Yeah, it was…it was pretty bad.”

“Can’t dodge those easy.”

“I didn’t. Thought that was the whole point of that one.” Sharky sat up, and eyed him. “So, I get it. You’ve heard some shit.”

Jacob set the empty bottle down, and motioned for another. “Plenty. More than I know you want to hear, until he stopped. Stopped saying much of anything about you at all, and didn’t look none too pleased about it either.”

“Well, you wanna know more? Talk to him about it.”

“I did.” Mary May slid him a beer, and he redirected it towards Sharky, “Which is why I told him to talk to you.”

“Why would you…why’d you do that?” Sharky asked, any irritation at this bleeding away.

“John’s not easy to deal with. Then if he goes and fucks something up along the way? He’s ten times worse. If he makes a mistake, not many are going to push back, or correct him on it.”

“So, is that what this is? You think he made a mistake?”

“He did.” The piercing look Jacob aimed at him made him sit up a little straighter. “He liked having you around. Why throw that away?”

That punched him up and down all at once, and he didn’t want to get his hopes up. Not again.

“Look. I get it, you’re being a bro. Trying to look out for him and shit, and I respect that. It means a lot, but you want me to talk to him? Like sit down, link arms, and work any of this out?”

Sharky pulled out his phone and didn’t even wait for Jacob to prompt him. Just called John, and hit speakerphone so that they could hear it as it dialed.

“Dude won’t answer. Hasn’t yet, and won’t now.”

Jacob crossed his arms, set to wait with him, and Sharky listened for those telltale words of John’s. The same few words the voicemail hit him with when he’d first tried this weeks back.

“Hello?”

Sharky stared down at his phone, at the seconds of the connected call as they ticked by on the screen, and felt his mouth go dry.

“Charle- …-nyone there?”

Slapping it against his ear, he turned off the speakerphone and talked fast, “Hey, uh, you…you’re not supposed to pick up.”

“I’m not?”

“No, you’re…” He stopped his leg when he felt it start bouncing into overdrive, “It’s, uh, sorry. Sorry about earlier. Wanted to get that out first, ‘cause I didn’t know I was gonna see you and really had to run off. Might’ve also thought this would’ve gone straight to voicemail, so I could, you know. Actually work my way through this. Make it sound good, not...”

“No, it’s…it’s fine,” John cleared his throat, and his next few words were warmer, “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you at all, so even this is welcome.”

“Oh, er, well. Cool.” Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

“And…you don’t need to apologize for that. I didn’t handle it as well as I should’ve, and putting you on the spot like that was far from fair. It's hard to hear you over the line right now, but if you want to talk more, I’d be glad to. About that, or anything else.”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

His heart was hammering in place, and his eyes skimmed the entire bar. Jumping from item to item, needing a topic or an excuse to keep things going, he floundered in place until he stopped on the white snowflakes decorating one of the other guests’ sweaters. It was an ugly sweater to be loud and proud of, and the glittery shovel emblazoned on the front stuck out next to a large lumpy snowman.

That set a few gears into motion, and his mouth was moving before he could stop it. “Shovel.”

“Shovel?”

Shifting on his chair, Sharky swore under his breath. Put it in a sentence. Words, verbs, and some of those phrases like that Wheel of Fortune shit. That’s how you do this.

“You er, need any shoveling done? Like you’re dealing with a ton of snow coming down, or about to? ‘Cause I’ve got some ways of fixing that. Got more than a few, might even give you a method or two provided you want a uh, demo. Or a guarantee any of it’ll work, and I can cover it. Give you a sneak preview or something.”

John went silent, the sounds of the bar rising enough to cover him, and Sharky didn’t bother stopping his leg this time. Just felt it vibrate enough to make his voice uneven.

“Hey, John? You still with me there, amigo?”

“I’m still here,” he said, and Sharky couldn’t hold back his relief.

“So, what do you say? You dig any of that?”

“Yes.” It was faint, but he might’ve heard a laugh, “I think you’re right. I could use someone here after all.”

[gosecretscribbles]

Stanuary Week 1: Burn

AN: Takes place in canon when the Stans are young, maybe 9 years old.   TW: Bullying, 2nd degree burns  @stanuary

Stan and Ford were sitting under a tree in a park, trying not to sweat.  The park was right across the street from Aunt Sheila’s house.  Ma had taken them there for “family bonding time,” but let them run out after Stan got bored and started shooting rubber bands at her doll collection.  It was so hot that Ford had left his aviator jacket inside, and the two of them wore shorts instead of their usual pants.  It was so hot their clothes felt like flannel. Ford sorely wished he could jump straight into the ocean and not come out till sunset.

Unfortunately, the park was too far from the beach to walk there, although it was close enough that it still got decent tourist traffic.  The ice cream truck had essentially parked at the curb for the day. Normally Stan would’ve been over there conning tourists out of their frozen confections, but today it was almost too hot to move.  The only reason they had the tree shade to themselves was that Ford intentionally left his hands out of his pockets – most of the kids who came close ran away screaming. It was nice to use his freak powers to his advantage for a change.

In the meantime, Stan had taken to describing the park and all its features as if they were his mortal enemies.  

“There it is, Sixer,” Stan whispered.  “The greatest weapon of destruction this park has ever known.”

Ford rolled his eyes.  “It’s a metal slide, Stanley.”

“It’s a metal slide in winter.  In the summer it’s a torture device invented by someone with a deep and fathomless hatred of children.”

“Stan.”

“And that see saw,” Stan said dramatically, pointing to the plastic alligator.  “Is a kid catapult waiting to happen.  Seriously. I want to know who designed playground equipment to be a torture device.”

“Stanleeeeey, it’s too hot to hate inanimate objects,” Ford groaned.  “What did the park ever do to you.”

“You haven’t seen the things I’ve seen, brother dear.”

Ford huffed and closed his eyes.  It was too hot to exist.  At what temperature did humans spontaneously combust?  

“Bet we could fry an egg on that slide,” Stan mumbled.  “What do you think?  Gotta be hot enough.”

“Maybe.”

“Bet we could.”

“Mmm.”

“C’mon, it’s a science experiment that involves vandalizing public property. Plus we’ll get a snack out of it.”

“You want to eat cooked food?  In this weather?”

The grass beside him rustled.  Ford cracked an eye open to see Stanley stumble to his feet, then stagger dramatically across the grass towards the street toward their aunt’s house.  Ford thought about calling after him, but the heat utterly sapped his energy.  He closed his eyes and pretended not to exist. He heard someone step closer, then give a choked gasp and hurry away.  He clenched his fists and pretended even harder.

A few minutes later he heard more footsteps and this time felt a tap on one foot. He looked up to see Stanley bending over him, grinning, an egg in each hand.

“I got the goods,” he said in a corny Chicago accent.

“Great. Now keep standing there, you’re giving me extra shade.”

“Nu-uh, Mr. Scientist.  You’re gonna come do science things with me.  I’ll let you use fancy words like ‘experiment’ and ‘hypotenuse’ and everything.”

“I think you mean ‘hypothesis,’” Ford grumbled, but he let Stan pull him to his feet and the two of them wandered to the slide.  Ford couldn’t even look directly at the metal; it gleamed too brightly in the sun, and he could actually feel the heat radiate off of it like a physical force.  “Geez, maybe this thing really is hot enough.  That would have to be, what, at least 144 degrees Fahrenheit, so 62.6 degrees Celsius?”

“Heck if I know.  Ready?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Stan handed him an egg.  The two of them tapped the shells against the slide, then cracked it.  The eggs actually hissed quietly as they slid over the metal, and immediately the albumins, mucoproteins, and globulin began to coagulate.  Ford said as much.

“So, the egg white is turning white?” Stan asked.

“That’s what I said.  You said I could use fancy words,” he pointed out.

“I regret so much of my life.”

“Whoa,” said a voice from behind them.  “Check it out, there really are six fingers!”

They whipped around.  A kid slightly older and taller looked down at them, a toddler clutching her leg, staring wide-eyed at Ford’s hands.  He hid them behind his back.

“Whoa, you can count to six!” Stan said, equally wide-eyed.  “That’s so impressive!  You should get a medal!”

The girl scowled.  “Shut up, Ioser, I wasn’t talking to you.  Hey,” she addressed Ford.  “are you cursed or something?  Six is like, a devil number, you know.”

“I’m not cursed.”

“Are you sick or something?”

Stan stepped up, toe to toe with her.  “The only thing sick around here is you.  Get lost.”

“Let’s just go,” Ford mumbled, reaching for Stan’s shoulder.  The toddler saw his hand and gave a shriek.

“Don’t scare her!” the older kid said sharply, shoving Stan aside to scowl at Ford.

Stan shoved her back.  “She’s only scared ‘cuz you’re teaching her stupid superstitions!”

“I told you to shut up!”

“And I told you –”

“Stop, stop!”

Ford moved forward, reaching to pull Stan away from the shoving match. The older kid whirled on him and shoved, hard.  The metal slide was directly behind him.  He fell backwards and braced himself.  

But instead of hot metal, he landed on Stan’s lap with Stan underneath him, screaming as the hot metal slide seared his legs.

“Stanley!”

Ford leaped to his feet and pulled his brother off.  Stan stumbled forward, one hand held out behind him, not touching his thighs.  Ford leaned over to look and sucked in his breath.  Stan somehow hadn’t hit the cooked eggs, but the backs of his thighs were now two angry red burns already beginning to blister.

“Ow,” Stan whimpered.

“Get him ice!” Ford shouted at the kid, but she just squeaked and darted away, the toddler right behind her.  None of the other kids were close and every adult was conveniently looking in the opposite direction.  Ford gritted his teeth.  “Fine, c’mon, we gotta get to Sheila’s house.  She’ll have a freezer and we can cover your burns in egg whites, too.”

“You gonna cook an egg on me now?” Stan asked weakly.

“No, if you combine egg whites with silver sulfadiazine cream and apply it to second-degree burns –”

“Sixer, I’m too injured for science right now.”

“Lean on me, just walk slow.”

Stan obeyed, still bent over like an old man.  The day was still boiling hot, but by the time they were halfway across the grass, Stan’s hand was cold and clammy in Ford’s.  His breathing came in trembly gasps and Ford was sweating from stress as much as heat.  He’d never seen his brother in so much pain before.  Why did this always happen?  It was just like last summer with the pitchforks, only this time his brother got hurt!

“Mom!” Ford shouted as soon as they made the front door.  “Mom!  Aunt Sheila!  MOM! STAN’S HURT!”

Sheila’s house was old and reeked of cats.  The front door opened into the living room, with a hallway on the left that led to the kitchen and staircase.  There came an abrupt clatter of teacups and Ma appeared in the hallway, curls of hair plastered to her face in the heat.  Aunt Sheila appeared behind her, a near-copy of their mom but with blond hair and thinner lips.

“What happened this time?” Aunt Sheila sniffed.  “Throw a rock at a cat?”

“Someone pushed him onto the slide and his legs are blistering, look!”  He pulled Stan gently forward, turning him so they could see his legs.

Ma paled.  “Stan!”

“Am I poached or scrambled?” he asked weakly.

“Sheila, I’ll take some of your ice in a towel,” Ma ordered.  “Stanford, I want ten egg yolks and a baster to spread them with.  We’ll start with the ice, let me know when the eggs are ready.”

“Hey,” Stan protested, when Ford immediately moved for the kitchen.

“I’ll be right back.”

“And you’ll be on the couch,” Ma said, taking Ford’s place in front of Stan. “Go on, couch time.  You’ll lie on your stomach.”

“I’ll be back with the ice,” Sheila promised, then disappeared into the kitchen. Ford followed her.  “Stanford, eggs will be in the refrigerator, top shelf on the left.  Baster is in the drawer under the sink.”

“Thank you.”

They worked quickly, and his aunt hurried to the next room with the ice pack. It really worried Ford that he couldn’t hear his brother’s voice.  Normally he’d be taking full advantage of the special treatment.  And those blisters – he’d never seen a burn that bad.  

He had to crack extra eggs because his hands kept shaking and the shell would puncture the yoke, but eventually he finished the bowl with just a little curl of yellow in it and brought it to the living room with the baster.  Stan was lying on his stomach on the couch, both hands tightly gripping the couch cushions, the ice pack resting on his thighs.

“I have the egg whites,” Ford said, hurrying forward.

Ma nodded.  “Good. Alright, Stan, time to make like a Thanksgiving turkey.”

Stan grunted but stayed still.

Ma motioned Ford over and took the bowl while Sheila removed the ice pack. They were almost worse than before, huge clear bubbles stretched over Stan’s skin.  

“It’s not so bad,” Sheila said, catching sight of his face.  “Egg whites are an old trick and a good one.  Since we’re treating him right away, he shouldn’t even scar.”

Ma dipped the basting brush in the egg whites, then swept it gently over Stan’s left thigh.

Immediately Stan screamed, left leg kicking out.  Ford jumped forward and grabbed his ankle, holding Stan’s leg down as his scream turned into a moan.  Ma quickly brushed him again, moving fast to slather the area before moving to the next leg.  Ford stared at the back of his brother’s head, the way his shoulders bunched with pain. Ford was hot.  Way too hot.  He was flooded with heat.  He saw Stan’s head pressed deep into the cushions to muffle his yells and he felt like his very blood was boiling and his gut roiled with lava.  

He didn’t even notice when he’d switched legs, but Ma rapped his knuckles sharply with the handle of the baster and he let go.

“We’re done,” she was saying, or something like it, and then Ford was next to his brother, squeezing Stan’s hand in both of his.

“You don’t – have to apologize,” Stan gasped into the pillows.

Ford hadn’t even realized he was talking.  “You shouldn’t have been hurt,” he said, and his voice sounded far away. “Don’t scream like that again.”

“Like – I’m being burned?  Gee, okay.”

“It’s not funny.  It’s not funny.”

“Hey.”  Stan turned his head so their eyes could meet.  His face was white and drawn with pain.  Ford realized with a shock that there were tears in his eyes.  “Don’t – guh – don’t cry.  Could – you squeeze harder?  It helps – I don’t know why –”

Ford squeezed until Stan’s fingertips turned purple.

“Better,” Stan said, blinking hard.  “That – metal slide – really has it – out for me.”

Ford choked out a laugh.  “You’re practically mortal enemies.”

A hint of a smile curved Stan’s mouth.  “Yeah. Stan Man – versus – Slide Slayer. That’s – comic book origin, right there. Bet I could – make a comic –”

“Not today you won’t,” Ma said, coming back into the room.  She had a pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other.  “Here.  Nothing like an allergy pill to knock you out cold.”

“Cold would be good,” Stan managed.

Ford helped him tilt his head at an angle so he could drink the water, and Stan choked down the pill.  Ma took the cup back with a sigh.

“Nothing else to do but wait.  Ah, well. Your Pa’ll be by around 5 to pick us up. Ford, you come get me and Sheila if he wakes up or needs a fresh batch of egg whites; we’ll reapply those every time the old layer dries.”

“Yes, Ma,” Ford said.

“You’ll stay?” Stan asked Ford, after she’d left.

“I’ll stay,” Ford promised.

“Those kids,” he said suddenly.  “You’re not – cursed.  Okay?”

“I know I’m not.”

“Good.”  Stan squeezed his eyes shut.  A tear leaked out and ran across the bridge of his nose.  

“Please don’t cry!”

“Hurts.”

“You’ll go to sleep soon,” Ford said, somewhat desperately.  “And!  And! This totally gives you bragging rights. Right now you are absolutely hotter than anyone else in that whole park.  You’re literally Hot Stuff!”

Stan sputtered, a grin tugging his lips.  “Ha.  I was already – hot stuff.  This just – makes me – Hotter Stuff.”

His grip on Ford’s hands was already going slack.  It took a few long minutes, but eventually Stan fell asleep. Ford didn’t let go of Stan’s hand, though.  

“I’m not cursed,” he said quietly.  “I know I’m not, because I have a brother like you.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #218

“give me liberty or death. ... ah, fuck it, just give me death.”

Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Me. What is the nearest glass object to you? A cup. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm sure my mom was, but I have no clue about Dad. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. If you had to choose a new cell phone, what phone would you pick? Some sort of iPhone. I hate my Samsung. Has anyone killed one of your pets before? People have run over our cats before, but I'm certain that wasn't intentional. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. Is there a song that as soon as you hear it you are happier? At least to a degree. Do you have a push lawnmower or a riding lawnmower? We don't have one; Mom pays someone to do it. He uses a riding one, though. When was the last time someone teased you? Idr. Would you trust a vehicle that automatically parallel parks for you? Lmao could probably do it better than I could. Have you ever hit a car while parking? No, but I rarely drive anyway and never park close to others. When you are eating fast food, do you tend to get burgers or chicken? Burgers. When was the last time you used Microsoft Excel? No clue. What was the last thing that you recorded? I was WAY too excited the rare felhound mount dropped for me in WoW so I had to show Sara while I screamed lmao. Have you ever edited an article on Wikipedia? No. Do you like the show Futurama? I've never been into what I've seen. Have you ever found an arrow head? I don't remember ever having had. Have you given up any bad habits for someone? Don't think so. Who is with you? My cat's in the room, as is of course Venus. In what part of your life so far, have you learnt the most about yourself? 2017-2018, probably. Have you ever been in a fist fight? No. What aggravates you most about people in general? I guess if you want to put all humans together, I guess you never know what's gonna hurt who. When they have a valid reason to be hurt by it, anyway. Are your ears pierced? Twice in each lobe and then my right tragus. What did you last say out loud? Something to Teddy about wanting so much attention. Not at all in a bad way. Do you like anything about being angry? Fuck no. Did you have a summer job this year? No. Where do you wish you were? I've been dying to be at Sara's BAD LATELY MY MAN. Do you get surprises often? No, nor do I like them. I get too nervous. Name a crime you have committed? Illegally downloading things. Do you tell people when they get on your nerves? No, not normally. You're in jail… Who bails you out? Dad, most likely, taking money into account. I don't even know if he could afford bailing someone out, though. Are your feelings hurt easily? YEAH. What’s the ultimate cake topping? Just frosting. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No. Do you ever forward or reply to chain mails? Never. Have you ever tried to make your own alcohol? Nope. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? Lol no. Have you ever been to see stand up comedy? No. Have you ever needed stitches? At least twice. Have you ever been in a submarine? No. What would you do if someone proposed to you tomorrow? I'd say no, even if it was Sara. We're not ready for that yet. Which fictional character do you wish was real? Sobs all my favorites of everything are villains and therefore shouldn't be brought to life. Uhhhh. Idk. Maybe Harry Mason from SH 'cuz the entire human population deserves a dad like that. Do you own a lava lamp? I wish. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Yes to hot tub, but you couldn't pay me to set foot in a sauna. Have you ever had chicken pox? No. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. We would've found fossil evidence by now, I think. Who’s your favorite god from ancient history? Man, idk. I love mythology. But memory is pretty faint though so I don't remember what most did/what they stand for. What was the last present you received? Uhhhh I'm not sure. Could you go out with someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. I am not being a mother figure for anyone. What was your first alcoholic drink? Hard lemonade. What was your first detention for? I've only ever had detention for excessive tardies. Did you ever have a treehouse as a kid? No. Have you ever appeared on YouTube? EW LET'S FORGET THAT. Have you ever been on radio? No. Do you like your own name? I do. Could you ever have an affair with a married person? Fuck no. Could you ever split up a couple for one reason or another? I mean I'd urge one to leave the other if they were abusive or not really in love or something like that. I wouldn't out of my own interests. Which celebrity do you find the most annoying? The Paul brothers are fucking obnoxious trash. Is there anyone you work with that you don’t get along with? Why? N/A Have you ever been romantically interested in a coworker? No. Have you ever been romantically involved with a coworker? No. What is the game you’re currently playing most often on your phone? None. Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? Adopt. I understand the temptation of wanting a certain breed of pet, but you've gotta think beyond your desires here. There are so, so, SO many homeless cats and dogs especially that need homes. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, I believe. Why were you last pulled over? I never have been, thank GOD. Do you have any friends that own a private lake? I can just about guarantee no. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? It would depend on the lake. Do you have a drone? No. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? Only Mark's and his friends'. Do you know anyone who’s had their own podcast? I don't think so. Where were you the last time you stayed in a hotel? The beach. Do you know anyone who is freaked out by cats? No. What kind of music do your parents listen to? Mom loves (classic) metal and rock like me, but she also enjoys Christian music. Dad likes rock and classic metal/rock. What do you do when you can’t escape thoughts of your ex? I mean, I'm a bad person to ask, because my PTSD is tied to my ex. My case is far more extreme. All you really can do is try to do things to distract yourself. What do you think about indoor pets? Love 'em. How it should be most of the time for most animals. Would you agree that love is blind? Very. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Yes. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? I don't think so, if I was to ever be in that situation with a man again. How many schools have you been to? Five, but I'm about to start my sixth. Do any songs give you goosebumps? I get goosebumps very, VERY easily when it comes to music. I don't even have to really like the song. What do you think about divorce? Sadly necessary in extreme cases. What’s your favorite way to eat peanut butter? In a Reese's lol. Do you still watch any cartoons meant for kids? I don't watch TV now, but if I was still into watching shows, I'd totally still follow Pokemon. What’s your favorite kind of cereal? Man, idk. Maybe Cinnamon Toast Crunch. What were you doing the last time you were on a roof? Just sitting up there. Do you have any stickers on your car? Mom has I think one? Have you ever given someone flowers? I'll always remember this one Mother's Day where I went down our old path with my sister and friend and we picked up SO many flowers to put in a glass cup as a bouquet for Mom. So yeah. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Do you listen to Nirvana? I don't usually search them out, but they're on my iPod, and I won't generally skip 'em if a Nirvana song comes along. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I hate seeing animals in pain and/or dying. Are you easily scared by horror movies? Not at all. How old were you when you were first pulled over by the police? I've never been pulled over. When was the last time you drank out of a champagne glass? I've no idea. Do you enjoy plane journeys, if you’ve ever been on one? If we're just talking the ride and not the process leading up to it, and so long I've the window seat, yeah, they're fine. What’s the last movie you’ve seen in theaters and can honestly say you enjoyed? I adored the live action TLK, truly and thoroughly. I didn't at all get the hate. Like I know a common criticism is they took the realism too far (they were lacking in expression), but I liked that, honestly. It made it feel all the more real. I mean honestly, I possibly liked it more than the animated (save for the "Be Prepared" singing), and that movie is sacred to me. Have you ever seen your father cry? I've only seen him tear up like once in my life. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? They'd be confused as fuck because I'm the polar opposite of promiscuous, monogamous, advise that to only happen after marriage, and am with a girl. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? It's going great. We're just ready to no longer be long-distance. How big is your bed? Queen-sized. Do you believe the Holocaust happened? No??????????? fucking????????????????? shit??????????????????????????????? Ever spent any time on a military base? No. Have you ever tried putting black pepper on mac ‘n’ cheese? (It’s good!) Yes, delicious. Has a wild animal ever been loose in your house? Not our current house. We lived in the woods beforehand, and we did have mild mice problems in the winter. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Have you ever seen a volcano? Not in person. Are you a fan of Janis Joplin? I've actually never really listened to her. Have you ever mowed the lawn (even a little bit)? No. What’s the closest river to you? The Tar River. Don't mind sharing considering it's ginormous. Who were the last 3 males you talked to? My nephew, his dad, then my own dad. What was the last form of communication you used to speak to your best friend? (e.g. text message, phone call) Text. What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Uhhhh I think some kind of white wine? Did you like it? Not in the slightest. What’s your favorite feature of the person you’re currently interested in? She has the cutest random little freckle on her hip. Do you remember the first CD you ever bought? I believe the first I personally wanted and got was the Swan Songs album by Hollywood Undead. Where is your favorite place to get fries? You have NOT lived until you've eaten Bojangle's fries. They have a special seasoning that is absolutely spectacular. The Bojangle's experience is so important that it's the first place we went when Sara first came here lmao. Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? Don't believe so. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No. What is your favorite gaming console? PS2, always. What was the last major city you visited? Chicago. I mean, or Raleigh, if you count it as a "major" one. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? I only really consider Jason and Sara as "romantic" relationships. Have you ever used a leaf blower? No. What would you say is the worst part of high school, period? The shift from child to young adult. Hormones make the experience so, so much more difficult than it needs to be. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? Red. They're usually the most crisp. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? It'd either be Mom or Sara, definitely. I can't really say without being in that moment, idk. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? Fuck no. I've only ever done it once and never will again, even though the one occasion went fine. Who was the last person to call you fat, if anyone at all? Myself lmao. What color skin does the last person you danced with have? White. Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades? No. What is the worst name a friend has ever called you? Do you remember? I can promise you one has most certainly called me a bitch or worse. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? At the start of high school, I remember I'd sometimes daydream about being a guitarist, but it was never something I like, actively craved. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? *blinks* Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? No. When did you last spend the night at someone’s house? December of last year. Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? If I'm at Sara's. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier? NO. I'm much unlike I used to be in that I prefer brightness. It actually does affect my mood; I recommend to aaaaanybody who suffers from depression to stay in a bright room. I used to live in the dark as well, and I promise, it makes a difference. Have you ever learned any self-defense? If not, would you be interested in learning? No, and yes, especially with how incredibly paranoid I am. Do you like Gushers? Yaaaaas hunty. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. When was the last time you felt like you didn’t have anything to worry about? LOL HUH??????? NO WORRIES??????? How old was the last child that you spoke to? Three. What is the name of the last perfume you put on? "Crazy Lady." That perfume is years upon YEARS old. It was a birthday present from Summer, and seeing as I barely ever wear perfume, it's still in my room. Expired, I'm sure, lol. Are you waiting for something to arrive in the mail? No. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? No. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONONONONONONO. I absolutely will not drink orange juice with pulp. Did the Spanish classes have an “El Dia de Los Muertos” (Day of the Dead) fiesta at school? I think so? How long have you had the hairbrush you are currently using? I use a comb now that we've had actually forever. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm not in school, not quite yet anyway. :') Do you know what durian is? Do you like it? No. I would never try it. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I don't know, and I don't plan on looking. Most likely some selfie. Do you like coconut flavored things? NO. Coconut is disgusting. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? I don't think so, and I truly hope not... How often do you get a fever? Like, never. What kind of laundry basket do you use? It's just a plain, white, plastic one. As a child, did you ever have a clown or a magician at your birthday parties? I actually believe I had both. I know I had a pair of clowns once, and with how into magic I was, I would expect I've had had one. Do you have a permit or license? I have my permit. It's more than due time I work more towards my license... List all the stores you’ve been in this past month. I think the only one is PetSmart. Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? No, because I was never that childish. Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Do you like sour candy? My favorite! Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Most likely Pink Sands Beach in the Bahamas, but honestly I'm terrified of the Bermuda Triangle, so that's unlikely, lmao. That black sand beach in Hawaii, however, will do. Are all nighters something you have grown used to? BIIIIIIITCH I've outgrown that shit. I'm rarely up past 10 at the latest these days. Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? Anything, no. Smoothies or slushies? Slushies. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? Nooooooo. Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? I once volunteered at PetSmart during an adoption event, giving the cats and dogs attention while people visited. I absolutely fell in LOVE with a dog there that I begged Mom to get, and she came pretty close. I cried leaving, ha ha... Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? No. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Um, Ozzy????? Duh??????? My Dad???????? Is great?????????????? If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? And here you have it, the stupidest question I've seen on a survey. Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah. Could you handle living with a male roommate? No, with how afraid I am of men. It'd only work if it was with a long-time bf. Have you spoken to your mother today? Father? For once, both. Do you live by yourself? No. Do you shower every day? No, it's unhealthy and I don't find every day necessary. Especially when you live my hermit life. Is English your native language? Yes. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? N/A Do you watch PewDiePie? Very, very rarely. I'm not that into his content anymore, and his humor changed from more original to heavily meme-ish. Are you married? No. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but totally not apposed. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? Yeah, some. Do you salt your popcorn? Sadly. Do you like McDonalds? Don't even try to bullshit, you don't mind McD's. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No. It's a cool series though, and I enjoy watching LPs of it. Do you like horror movies? YESSSSSS my favorite. Is your favorite animal a dog? No. Do you like chicken nuggets? mmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What color is the ceiling in the room? White. Do you like religion? It's interesting, but has done a shitload of evil. However, it has also made wonderful people. It depends on how you use it. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yeah. Can you twerk? Idk and idc. Do you like dabbing? It looks remarkably stupid/like you're sneezing into your elbow. Do you like fishing? I do, but I've stopped doing it. I feel too bad for the fish. Do you like sleeping? Oh fuck yeah. What do you think of Fifty Shades of Grey? Fucking disgusting, whether in book or movie format. Do you swear in front of children? No. Which Pirates of the Caribbean do you like the most? Never watched 'em. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I enjoy a lot of his music. How far out of your age bracket would you date? Once you hit 10 years, it's a no for me. Have you ever had an STD? No. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? I live in the South. Take a wild guess. Have you picked out flower petals, saying, ‘He loves me, he loves me not?' No. Do you like to pace? It's not that I "like" to, it's just a habit. What’s the greatest thing about science? Learning about the world around us. Discovering how life works. Does it annoy you when people dumb themselves down to be cool? It's not "annoying," it's just stupid. Intelligence is cool. What’s a song you like from the genre you hate? "When The Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw is a heavy exception. I adore that song. Are your parents divorced? Yeah, they separated when I was like, 16-17. Who was your first friend? Brianna. Have you ever been to Germany? Hell, I wish. What do you hear right now? I'm currently obsessed with "Brand New Numb" by Motionless In White. Have you ever been ice skating? No. Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? No. Would you consider yourself a shy person? I am one of the shyest people you will ever meet in your life. Do you like techno? Yeah, actually. I've really gotten into electronic music. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Two. Can you whistle? No. My lip ring is probably what makes me unable to anymore. How many X-rays have you had in the last 2 years? Three. One of my knees, then over the course of two years, I believe two for my teeth at the dentist. Are you on good terms with your last ex? Yeah. Do you own an Xbox? No. Favorite Snapchat filter? I've never used Snapchat before. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. What’s the worst thing you have ever done? Depends on how you mean "worst." Most damaging to me, let myself turn Jason into a god in my head and nearly kill myself for it. As far as most immoral, probably be partially responsible for why my former best friend and her bf broke up because he wound up liking me because I was a dumb 12 y/o. What's your favorite candle scent? Probably coffee or cinnamon rolls. Do you take any medications daily? Yeah. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) An annoying combo. What type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) A small one. Are you going to change your last name when you get married? Yes, I hate my last name. Last person you called? Mom. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? I don't like sprinkles at all. The texture ruins treats. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mom, I'm sure. Do you think vlogging in public is scary? I wouldn't say "scary," just incredibly awkward. You'd never see me do it. Would you want to be in a collab channel on YouTube? I don't even want to risk popularity, so no. Do you watch any collab channels? Which ones? Game Grumps and Sam & Colby, mainly. What colors have you dyed your hair, if any? Black, purple, and red. What is your gender and sexual orientation? Female and bisexual. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? No, but they seem REALLY fun. Ever performed on stage? Was it scary or amazing or both? Yeah, many times for dance. It was really neither for me. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. Have you tried the Beyond or Impossible burger? Thoughts? No, but I want to, especially as I plan on returning to vegetarianism at one point. When was the last time you ate your all-time favorite candy? Oh wow, months. When was the last time you made friends with old enemies? Some time last year, Rachel and I reconnected. She's cool as hell now. When was the last time you took time to pray? It's been a long time. I don't believe it does anything. What is a movie that you heard about recently that you do NOT want to see? Is that "Cats" movie real or was the trailer a fever dream???? What do you do during long trips in the car? I just blare music. Best kind of music to dance to? And the worst kind of music to dance to? I really love "different" songs that warrant a modern sort of dance style. It was my favorite when I took dance, and it's by far my favorite to watch. Worst, I guess like, screamo. How would you dance???? Last candy you tried that you did not enjoy? Or one that you did enjoy? Oh my god. So I tried that new Reese's doughnut from Krispy Kreme today, and it. Was. Repulsive. A candy I actually liked, idk. I rarely ever have treats anymore. Were you a chubby or thin baby? I was normal. Have you ever not given a tip at a restaurant? Why didn’t you? N/A, y'all know my money situation. What is the most outrageous thing you’ve considered doing lately? Okay, I'll admit I at least briefly pondered the possibility of getting a nipple pierced after an eternity of saying I never would lmao. I'm not, tho. Have you ever known somebody who ran away? Most likely. What are your thoughts on Batman? I think it's cool he has that policy of never killing anyone, and he also doesn't have any actual powers, does he? I don't remember. The whole Batman universe (or comics for that matter) is one I don't really connect to anymore, as it was Jason's obsession, so it's a dangerous topic for me. When I say Dr. Seuss, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Green Eggs and Ham. I loooved that book as a kid. Rollercoasters that go upside down… yes please or no thank you? Hell to the motherfuckin no thanks. Is there a certain place or store you especially hate going to? Grocery stores. What was the last animal/pet that you met? There was a BEAUTIFUL standard poodle Mom and I briefly interacted with at the pet store a week or so back. Is there something in particular you always seem to forget? Straighten the shower curtain after I get out so it dries properly. When was the last time you had to wait in line for longer than a few minutes? *shrugs* Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last board game you played? I think it was all the way back when Sara, Girt, and I played Scrabble.